Since that awful night in November that jihadist gunmen stormed the Bataclan concert hall in Paris, Alexis has not been able to go into a cinema or even "sit in the window of a restaurant" never mind go to a rock gig.
The 26-year-old Internet moderator who survived the massacre by playing dead in the moshpit after the Eagles of Death Metal fled the stage, even avoids passing anywhere near the building in which 90 fans were killed, though he lives close by.
"It has really made my life difficult," he said.
But having hesitated right up to the last minute, the young Parisian has finally decided to go back and see the band when they return play the city's Olympia theatre on Tuesday.
"Today I have been tormenting myself for hours about whether I will go to a concert, something which was so everyday for me before, it's weird," he told AFP.
Outwardly, Alexis -- who lay in the dark for two hours among the dead before the police rescued him -- has managed to get his life back on track, landing a new job and seeing a psychologist regularly.
"I don't think you can ever get over something like that. It takes a long time, sometimes a life," said the young Parisian who would have preferred if the California band had not returned to the city so quickly.
- Anguish and anxiety -
However, as they have, he said seeing his musical heroes at the Olympia is one way of "confronting my fears... I am not going for pleasure but to tackle the anguish and anxiety which today dictates my life and to see if I can overcome them."
The survivors' group Life for Paris has been a rock for Alexis, with some 500 of the victims and their families sharing information and offering each other advice and support.
"It is a place where can share with each and support each other, and it is also voiced which allows us to be heard by the authorities," he said.
"Since it was set up at the beginning of December it has helped get me back on my feet. Helping others is a way of helping myself,"
The group has also played a part in the way the concert has been organised, and is also monitoring how survivors will be psychologically supported on the night.
"For a long time I was really reluctant about going, but I changed, particularly when I realised how tight the security would be," Alexis said.
"The one sure thing is that I will go into Olympia. As to how I will react after the first notes, and if I will stay till the end, I really don't know."
Since that awful night in November that jihadist gunmen stormed the Bataclan concert hall in Paris, Alexis has not been able to go into a cinema or even “sit in the window of a restaurant” never mind go to a rock gig.
The 26-year-old Internet moderator who survived the massacre by playing dead in the moshpit after the Eagles of Death Metal fled the stage, even avoids passing anywhere near the building in which 90 fans were killed, though he lives close by.
“It has really made my life difficult,” he said.
But having hesitated right up to the last minute, the young Parisian has finally decided to go back and see the band when they return play the city’s Olympia theatre on Tuesday.
“Today I have been tormenting myself for hours about whether I will go to a concert, something which was so everyday for me before, it’s weird,” he told AFP.
Outwardly, Alexis — who lay in the dark for two hours among the dead before the police rescued him — has managed to get his life back on track, landing a new job and seeing a psychologist regularly.
“I don’t think you can ever get over something like that. It takes a long time, sometimes a life,” said the young Parisian who would have preferred if the California band had not returned to the city so quickly.
– Anguish and anxiety –
However, as they have, he said seeing his musical heroes at the Olympia is one way of “confronting my fears… I am not going for pleasure but to tackle the anguish and anxiety which today dictates my life and to see if I can overcome them.”
The survivors’ group Life for Paris has been a rock for Alexis, with some 500 of the victims and their families sharing information and offering each other advice and support.
“It is a place where can share with each and support each other, and it is also voiced which allows us to be heard by the authorities,” he said.
“Since it was set up at the beginning of December it has helped get me back on my feet. Helping others is a way of helping myself,”
The group has also played a part in the way the concert has been organised, and is also monitoring how survivors will be psychologically supported on the night.
“For a long time I was really reluctant about going, but I changed, particularly when I realised how tight the security would be,” Alexis said.
“The one sure thing is that I will go into Olympia. As to how I will react after the first notes, and if I will stay till the end, I really don’t know.”
