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When a parent dies, sibling relationships can become strained, often resurfacing old childhood wounds and resentments. Grief can aggravate unresolved issues, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. To minimize the likelihood of such disputes, it’s essential to take proactive steps during your lifetime and when drafting your will. Here are five tips to help reduce the likelihood of sibling disputes after your death.
1. Don’t wait to act
- Gift property beforehand. If your estate includes real property that’s hard to divide or valued differently by your children, consider transferring ownership or setting up joint tenancies while alive. For example, one child may want to buy out siblings’ shares of the family farm but not the lake property, or a child involved in the family business may opt to inherit the business as their share of the estate.
- Discuss your plans. Depending on the type of relationship your children have with each other, open dialogue about how you plan to distribute your estate and why, can resolve future misunderstandings and hurt. It’s best to address these issues well before your final days, as you may lack the mental or emotional energy to resolve conflicts later.
2. Provide clear reasons and directions in your will
Clearly articulate your wishes, and the reasons behind those wishes, in your will.
- If you choose to distribute your estate unevenly, explain your rationale.
- If you choose to distribute it evenly even though one child has been your unpaid caregiver for years, give your rationale.
If there are large or expensive items which you don’t want to distribute prior to your death, but which may lead to a fight, provide a way to decide the issue, for instance electing a disinterested third-party to decide, or a simple game of chance.
3. Consider sentimental items and family heirlooms
Don’t underestimate the emotional significance of family heirlooms. If you leave no instructions, the executor may struggle to distribute these items fairly. If children have been promised specific items (whether by you, your deceased spouse, or Great-Grandma Gertie), make sure they are clearly identified in your will.
Consider gifting heirlooms or sentimental items before your death but do so fairly to avoid future resentment. Ensure that each child has the opportunity to receive something meaningful (not just your brash, youngest child, who helps himself to a family heirloom every time he visits).
4. Choose the right executor
Select carefully. Consider carefully before appointing multiple children as co-executors unless they work exceptionally well together. A neutral third party may be a better choice, as they have no personal stake in the estate distribution and can approach the situation without emotional bias. When appointing a child as executor, consider their relationship with siblings and ability to handle the estate efficiently without causing disputes. For example, a sentimental child may resist selling the family home, while a pragmatic child may rush to do so. Choose someone who can balance these views.
5. Plan for children who require extra support
If you have a child who relies on you for financial support or housing due to a disability or health issues, clarify your intentions regarding their arrangements after your death. If you want them to stay in the family home, specify this in your will, including their ownership type — outright ownership, a life estate, or a timeline for finding alternative housing. If you prefer they not continue living there or receiving support, explain your reasoning and why you believe they can manage independently.
To learn more about when you might need an estate litigator, check out our other articles about navigating probate, wills, powers of attorney, personal directives, personal representatives and more.
If you have any questions or concerns about your estate planning or litigation needs, reach out to our team at BD&P to learn more, or complete the form below and BD&P will be in touch.
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