He shared the stage with such stand-up comedians as Paul Anthony,who is the official host of the Long Island Comedy Festival, Sunda Croonquist, subtle comedian Gary Vider (from America’s Got Talent) and Scott Schendlinger, all of which did an exceptional job opening for Marino, thus showcasing their diverse comedic talents.
Paul Anthony made the opening remarks, introducing Marino as a comedian who has been on The Tonight Show ten times, as well as on HBO and Comedy Central. “Hey, everybody. How are you doing?” Marino asked, prior to encouraging his audience to give it up for the “great entertainers” that opened for him.
He noted that it took him four hours to get to The Paramount, which was only a 50 mile trip from New Jersey, yet he couldn’t find parking, so he had to park in Queens, and had to make left turns in an effort to overcome one-way streets.
Marino apologized for cursing right away, especially since he came from New Jersey, where cursing is a form of love. He shared that he has been living in California for three years, which has “messed him up.” “Laugh it up, people,” he said, prior to discussing his recent experiences at a Wal-Mart store, which felt like a movie theater, where he could bring popcorn, and learn to appreciate the fact that his life is not that bad after all. Following his trip to Wal-Mart he came out with a lawnmower and a shotgun, and ironically enough, he does not have a lawn. By partaking in a self-scan he feels that he deserves to be paid benefits and to go on breaks, since that was one career that he did not apply for, nor did he fax a resume. In addition to that, he requested a 10 percent employee discount, as well as a uniform and blue shirt with a name-tag. “I wanna know it’s me checking out my items,” he said, defending his choice.
He complimented The Paramount audience for being a “nice crowd,” and he noted that he misses living on the East Coast. He shared that he lost his accent after living in California for three years.
Marino subsequently shared his retail experiences at Starbucks and at Costco, the latter of which was quite shocking, especially since Marino found out that he could buy “coffins in bulk.” He subsequently inquired as to why they give 50 percent off for damaged coffins, and why some of them are offered for buy one, get one free. “Did the guy come back to life?” he asked, jokingly.
He asked the crowd if they ever had a shopping cart with broken wheels, and then revealed that NyQuil can also come in a keg. “How sick do you need to be?” he asked. He poked fun at IKEA, describing it as a “mouse trap for humans” as opposed to a store, and he shared how the arrows in that store get him confused all the time.
Marino announced that he would make a great president, since he knows exactly what to do to get this country back into shape. One thing is for sure, Marino would not need four years to fix America. He can do it in three months, and he would move The White House to Huntington, Long Island, since nobody will be able to find it, similar to how difficult it was for him to arrive at the venue this evening.
With Marino, he shared that all foreign wars in other countries would be over, and he would not explain how he does things. In return, he would respond in this clever fashion. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, in his rich, Italian voice. As a result, the country would enjoy gas prices at $0.32 a gallon again.
The New Jersey native just completed his 15th USO comedy tour, and that statement was well-received by the New York audience. He shared his views on the show Family Feud, and how if his family was on that show and if they gave a bad answer, one would not want to know what he would say to them during the commercial breaks. It wouldn’t be “good answer” that’s for sure.
He revealed his age being 50 years old, and his mother being 85, and an elaborate cook, who would cook for 50 people every day. While he did not have 50 people at his house every day, his mother would make that amount of food, in the event that would come, prior to joking that she was responsible for “The Last Supper” in Biblical times.
At 50, Marino now has different conversations with his friends than the ones he had when he was younger, especially since his body does not work like it did when he was younger. He revealed that he became lactose intolerant and inquired as to how that happened.
In California, when kids are not following the rules, they get “time outs” from their parents, and there is no spanking anymore. Marino encouraged New Yorkers not to do that since the kids are now enjoying their toys in their rooms during their time-out. He recommended New Yorkers go ahead and hit their kids good. For Marino, a “time-out” meant when his mom would punch him out good when he was a kid, and it consisted of the time he was passed out as a result of that punch.
He shared the fact that no Italian family plays the game “Clue,” and that back in his days, there was no such word as a “recall,” which is an ever-popular term in the marketplace today. His mom’s advice for him was to “stop crying, walk it off and do it over.”
Marino closed his show with a new joke that he developed on the G.I. Joe doll (and the G.I. Giovanni reference), as well as Barbie and Ken. It was so new to the point where he had no idea how to end it, but it was witty at the same time.
Overall, Mike Marino was fantastic at The Paramount as part of its “Comedy Series Presents.” He had the audience with him every step of the way, and he commanded the stage well. People were laughing so hard throughout the evening to the point where many fans were in tears. By the finale of tonight’s stand-up comedy show, the crowd was convinced that Marino would have been a great choice for a future U.S. president. At The Paramount, Marino certainly emerged as “The President” of Comedy, since he put on the best comedic performance by male comedian this year at this venue. His live show earned 5 out of 5 stars. Congratulations.
To learn more about Mike Marino and his upcoming show dates, check out his official website.