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Review: Look what crawled out of the sewer: ‘T.M.N.T 2’ — Trailer

In recent years, the term “ruining my childhood” has become common place with the slew of remakes, reboots and all around rehashing of popular childhood properties of the past. Now to say your childhood is “ruined” by a bad re-imagining of something beloved during your younger years seems a smidge dramatic. But after viewing the trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out of the Shadows, I am beginning to understand.

In another attempt to squeeze even more blood from a shell, producer Michael Bay and his team have gone ahead and dug deep into that toy box of memories to make sure they got everything just wrong enough. The plot line is — well, a lot of noise and colors followed up with creepy turtles and a cartoon rhino driving a CGI tank through a video game cut scene. Honestly, it was nonsense. Being a fan of the Turtles growing up, including the comics, it boggles the mind how a franchise can go so wrong so often.

Screen shot from ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out of the Shadows

Screen shot from ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out of the Shadows’
Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon Movies

The cast is all over the place. Stephen Amell of Arrow, a good actor in his own right, plays Casey Jones as a smiling guy on Rollerblades. The mutant heavies Bebop and Rocksteady had better graphics in the old video games. Laura Linney must have really wanted a boat because she’s here making a paycheck. And, for some reason,Tyler Perry makes a meal out of the scenery as an annoyingly over-the-top Baxter Stockman. Not to mention, Megan Fox, as April O’Neil, in a schoolgirl outfit. Kids movie, remember? Random and miscast, there’s a lot of talent given nothing of value say or do.

Director Dave Green, who brought us Earth to Echo, seems to have made a very expensive advertisement for the new line of Turtles toys. With the immense success of Marvel and Star Wars, both examples of how to create great on-screen projects and product lines, the playbook of how to produce a well-made property is there. But who am I, but a lowly geek who these over-done cash grabs are made for — and kids, I guess.

Alright, you know where I stand on how well Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out of the Shadows is going to fair. But the beauty of opinions is that everyone get to have one. So sit down, grab a slice of pizza and and watch it for yourself. Be your own critic. I’m just here to help. Cowabunga!

Release date: June 3, 2016

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