Filmmaker and author Dar Dowling chatted about her new documentary “Here I Am,” and her new urban fantasy novel “Sexy Bloody Mess.”
Background on Dar Dowling
Dar Dowling is a multidisciplinary creative whose work moves fluidly across publishing, film, visual art, and storytelling strategy. She is the founder of DarMa Creative Media and an executive leader in independent publishing.
She is the author of the bestselling books “The Book of Darku,” “Echoes of Darku,” and the children’s book “Kayla and the Magic Dog.”
Can you tell us about your new documentary ‘Here I Am’? What inspired you to direct it and/or write it?
Here I Am is a documentary that follows Moshe, a transgender man who converts to Conservative Judaism. That’s the logline—but the heart of the film goes much deeper than that.
At its core, Here I Am is about owning who you are and making the choice to live that truth fully, even when it requires courage, sacrifice, and persistence—both internally and in the world around you.
Moshe is incredibly inspiring in that way. Watching the lengths he was willing to go to in order to align his identity, his faith, and his sense of self was profoundly moving to me, both as a filmmaker and as a human being.
The film is also very much about the power of community. Over the years, I followed Moshe’s journey, it became clear that this transformation wasn’t something he could—or should—do alone.
It required a community willing to show up, to listen, and to expand alongside him. The two rabbis who walked with Moshe through this process were an essential part of that story.
Their openness, integrity, and care offer a powerful reminder of what’s possible when faith is rooted in humanity—and when people choose to see beyond what separates us and embrace what unites us.
Where will the upcoming screening take place, and are you excited?
We’ll be screening Here I Am in Denver on February 2nd as part of the Denver Jewish Film Festival.
The entire team is truly excited to be sharing the film in this space and to be part of a festival that encourages thoughtful conversation and meaningful community engagement.
What’s the one thing you want people to take away from ‘Here I Am’ when they see it?
I hope the film sparks conversation about the many layers of life and identity it brings forward—about having the vulnerability to be who you truly are, the determination to live that truth, and the joy that can emerge when you do.
I also hope it highlights the power of community and the understanding that no one else gets to define who we are.
We don’t need permission to be ourselves. We are already whole, already worthy, and already beautiful.
What did directing ‘Here I Am’ teach you about yourself?
Directing this film was very much an act of love and an exercise in trusting an inner voice. I’ve known Moshe for a long time, and when he told me he was going to convert to Conservative Judaism, I instinctively said, “Let’s make that documentary.” I was thrilled when he agreed.
The process taught me patience. It took more than eight years to complete the film, and I’m grateful for that.
Giving the story time to unfold allowed me to include important, emerging aspects of Moshe’s journey that I would have missed if I’d been in a rush.
Letting the film breathe ultimately made it stronger—and reminded me that some stories need time in order to be told honestly and fully.
What inspired you to write your new urban fantasy book ‘Sexy Bloody Mess’?
To tell you the truth, I’m not always sure where the inspiration begins. Sometimes I’m so fully in the moment that I simply follow a fresh idea and see where it leads.
In this case, it started with a moment—almost a spark—and suddenly Connor, who was originally the protagonist, began to take shape.
Over time, though, the story shifted. Other characters—Sheba and Lady—stepped forward and took over for a while. Their love story and the impact that relationship has on Connor, became a central part of the narrative.
While the book is filled with darkness, demons, blood, and yes—sex—it is ultimately a story about redemption and chosen family.
It also explores an emerging romantic edge, which felt honest to the characters and the world they inhabit. Beneath the intensity, the heart of the story is about connection, transformation, and finding belonging in unexpected ways.
Were you going for a certain theme?
Not really. I was definitely in a supernatural, fantasy state of mind and wanted to create characters that carried that kind of energy. What surprised me was how, over time, the characters began to lead the story rather than the other way around.
While I often write darker material, there’s also an underlying optimism in how I approach storytelling.
I wanted to leave room for humor, because not everything has to be so serious all the time. That balance—darkness mixed with lightness and moments of levity—felt true to the characters and helped the story breathe.
What did this book teach you about yourself?
It taught me patience—patience with myself, with the characters, and with the creative process. This was a very different book for me, and releasing something so unlike my previous work brought up a bit of anxiety that I had to work through.
In the end, I was genuinely happy that I trusted the process and allowed the book to be what it wanted to be.
How did it feel to make the bestseller list again?
Since this was a new genre for me, I was genuinely surprised—but also excited, because it meant that people were reading the book. In the end, that’s what matters most to me, and I think to writers in general.
You don’t want to write in a vacuum. You want your work to be read, engaged with, and seen—whether readers love it or not.
How does it feel to be an author in the digital age?
It’s an interesting time to be a writer—and a creative person in general. AI is a huge topic right now, and I see it as a useful tool, but not a replacement for the human spirit.
Creativity still comes from lived experience, emotion, and perspective, and those are things technology can’t replicate.
What is your advice for young and emerging authors?
My best advice is to follow your heart, make what genuinely calls to you creatively, and then believe in it enough to shamelessly promote it. If you don’t stand behind your own work, no one else will.
What would you like to tell our readers about your new book? What’s the one thing you want them to get out of it?
Each chapter includes images, so I like to think of it as a “not graphic novel”—a blend of the written word and visuals meant to create a more immersive experience.
I loved comic books as a kid, and in many ways that early influence naturally found its way into this project. It would have been easier not to include the artwork, but the book is far more engaging because of it.
After reading it, I hope people take time to reflect on the ideas of redemption, belonging, and how community—in all its forms—has the power to elevate us as human beings and empower our hearts.
Her new urban fantasy novel is available on Amazon by clicking here.
To learn more about filmmaker and bestselling author Dar Dowling, follow her on Instagram.
