Listen up Preppers! Hopes of surviving the zombie apocalypse have received a fresh boost with the unveiling of Demeter's Zombie for Him and Zombie for Her fragrances designed to supplement underground food and water stockpile strategy.
It seems even the United States federal government is preparing for the zombie apocalypse. A new report by a top Republican official slammed the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) for wasting money on zombie training.
Stores across the U.S. are stocking "zombie bullets" for sale in preparation for the "coming zombie apocalypse." The bullets, guaranteed to "vaporize zombie varmints," are manufactured by a Nebraska-based company, Hornady Manufacturing.
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on Thursday reassured the public that zombies don't exist. The statement was released following a series of bizarre "cannibalistic" crimes that raised speculations that the zombie apocalypse has begun.
Are you optimistic about the future of civilization. Stop it. By the time you're done with this story you will join those of us pessimists who pray that the Mayans were right about their 2012 prediction.
There was some worry there for awhile. South Carolina Attorney General Alan Wilson (R) had it on good authority that over 900 corpses had risen from the dead to vote in the recent elections. This could only mean one thing.