Op-Ed: KFC's new 'Streetwise' burger puts cheese in unwise place

Posted Jun 28, 2012 by Brett Wilkins
KFC's new unwisely-named "Streetwise" burger appears as if it were prepared by a drunken employee -- the cheese slice sits awkwardly atop the bun instead of on top of the chicken patty where it belongs.
Luckily, you won't have to behold this fast-food fail unless you happen to be in the Philippines. That's where The Colonel is offering up this bizarre new burger, which features a fried chicken patty sandwich topped with garlic parmesan dressing and a slice of cheese melted above the bun.
KFC Philippines' Facebook page hails the new creation as "the first and only cheese-topped bun burger." And let us all thank the fast-food powers-that-be for that! Comments on the Facebook page run the gamut from "simply A-W-E-S-O-M-E" to "this is a joke, right?" and "the stupidest thing I have ever seen."
What were KFC executives thinking when they green-lighted this one? How is one supposed to pick this thing up? At the very least, the Streetwise burger promises a gooey, greasy, sticky-fingered dining experience that will leave anyone with enough foresight no option but to cut it up and eat it with one of those ubiquitous plastic sporks. If they have sporks at the KFCs in the Philippines, that is.
Lest we poke too much fun at our Philippine junk food brethren, let us take a moment to remember some forgettable fast-food flops from the Western world. Two years ago, Burger King rolled out the "Sprouts Surprise Whopper" in Britain, which as you can guess was topped with the vegetable that is the bane of many a child's existence. Thankfully, the brussel sprout burger lasted about as long as an English heat wave.
Stateside, there's the macaroni and cheese pizza served at CiCi's fast-food buffet outlets. Not everyone can "enjoy" this "specialty" item; CiCi's only operates stores in 35 states. That's probably 35 too many, by the look of this one.
And even closer to home, there's KFC's heart-stopping (in more ways than one) "Double-Down" sandwich, which contains no bread but instead features bacon, cheese and mayonnaise sandwiched in between two deep-fried chicken filets. The New York Times' Sam Sifton called it "a slimy and unnaturally moist thing, with flavor ginned up in a lab."
Perhaps a cheese-topped burger isn't so terrible after all...