OK, so Disney got there first with “happiest place on Earth”. We are, however, the happiest nation, and to our surprise there’s actually some proof this time. We even beat those famous fun factories, the United States and Norway.
File photo: Freshwater crocodiles
Sez the Sydney Morning Herald:
Australia led all rich nations, the Paris-based group's Better Life Index showed, when each of 11 categories surveyed in 36 nations is given equal weight.
Life expectancy at birth in Australia is almost 82 years, two years higher than the OECD average, the survey showed. More than 72 per cent of people aged 15 to 64 in Australia have a paid job, above the OECD average of 66 per cent.
Admittedly, the country has changed a bit since the current national image was created, back in the early 1980s:
Prawns on the Barbie are no more- Not since the restraining order. Mattel were thrilled, but let's face it, she is a very strange girl.
The phrase “Call that a knife?” has been replaced by “Call that a Shiraz?”- Not that great an idea, because you have to pull an entire grapevine out of your pocket and make wine out of it to demonstrate the point.
Tourism has plummeted. This is largely thanks to our dyslexic tourism campaigns, which created a website with no less than 280 photos in a scrambled mess on top of a map of Australia and expected tourists to browse through them. We spent hundreds of millions on that, and it was a triumph. We now have several million more parking spaces to gouge ourselves with each year.
Invading California with gum trees has been a big success. First the gum trees, then some actors, then some koalas, then some people. Now all we need is a tow rope. We’re going to park California off New Zealand, and give the Kiwis something to trip over when they come here to play rugby. (We’re not bringing LA. We don’t have an oven bag that big for all that smog. We thought it could stay there and keep the San Andreas Fault company.)
Our richest woman, the richest woman in the world, makes $50 million a day… And still can’t find a decent photographer.
Yep, we’re adorable.
To annoy everybody a bit further, the song Waltzing Matilda is written in Australian, hence the video.
The swagmen (hobos) weren’t all that jolly, walking through solid flies and heat for months.
You’d get more shade under an anorexic than under the average coolibah tree.
Your chances of drowning in a billabong are less than those of drowning in a glass of water, historically.
Matilda is also the German name given to their bags by the German Wandersingers. So waltzing with them is actually culturally authentic- In Germany.
I think that explains everything?