Op-Ed: Advice From a Gamer Chick to World of Warcraft Players

Posted Aug 16, 2009 by Samantha A. Torrence
When the Dead Ale Wives announced "Where's the Mountain Dew," they had no idea what they started. Now generations of Gamers have Mountain Dew as a drink of choice and Pepsi continues to cater to the demographic of basement-dwelling gamer guys.
On the radio yesterday I heard a new Mountain Dew commercial and I could not help but laugh. The basic premise of the commercial is similar to that of beer, but it aimed at a less "macho" demographic. The commercial advertised that Mountain Dew was the best way to pick up a chick, and it also went over the dos and don'ts of wooing a woman. In the end they decided to "not be creepy." The two guys, for a lack of a better word, were decidedly geeky in their tone and intonation. Hmmm, I wonder who this commercial was aiming at? I knew of course that it was aiming at their most loyal demographic, the gamer.
The commercial reminded me of another commercial for World of Warcraft and Mountain Dew's "Game Fuel." They have made two drinks, one for the Horde faction which is red, and on for the Alliance faction which is blueish purplish. In the commercial two hot chicks on either side of the check out isle and they spot each other. That is when the two hot gamer chicks turn into their WoW toons and battle in the supermarket. Way to play the hot girl and the milf card Mountain Dew!
On the side,I prefer the Alliance flavor, so what I am a traitor to my faction! Deal. Yes, by the way, I am a gamerchick and a milf, so I have been told.
So all of this got me thinking, what advice could I impart upon the gamer guy community as a gamer chick? Well here it goes.
First of all, I want to impress upon all of you that you CAN get a really hot chick. There are women outside of the gamer chick community who will be fine with gaming. I know it is a step to move away from the girls who dress like an Avril Lavigne, pseudo punk knock off, with pink and blue hair streaks or Severus Snape black greasy hair, or the slightly chunky girl who wears a bit too much makeup, but trust me this is not all that is out there. This may end the coveted, hot-gamer-chick-of-the-group position but trust me, you can do better if you want.
So lets get past the stereo type that you are expected to fight over the one or two chicks in your group and lets work on moving out of the basement zone. I am going to give you the fool proof way of obtaining a hot chick.
1. Dress for Success - for those of you gamers who are not in the married and happy demographic, and even some of those who are, let me just say that your typical baggy jeans, 2 day old t-shirt, and that big ass jacket with the pockets all over it that you wear in the middle of summer is not sexy. It also doesn't make you an individual, so you can get that argument out of your head. That is typical loner gear and just makes you look creepy. And remember Mountain Dew says not to be creepy. So since you are not being individual in your style, you might as well look good. Take off the jacket, wash the t-shirt, put on a ball cap or you know brush your hair, and throw a nice casual-chique dress shirt unbuttoned over the t-shirt. Put the sandals in the closet and wear some nice looking shoes that do NOT have writing all over them or are torn to pieces. If you feel really adventurous, you can even put on khakis! Those are timeless looks that work and are comfortable, but you can always go high fashion if you think you can pull it off.
2. Realize Your Hotness- Okay, so it goes without saying that hard core gamer guys usually clean up well. I mean they can be smoking hot if they want to be. Not only that but they have something that can drive a girl wild, brains! Yes, little know fact, girls like guys with smarts. It means that you will be able to provide for them, stimulate their intelligence. If you couple your brains with your sexy smooth faces you are going to be desired.
3. Confidence- This goes for anyone. Be confident in yourself, realize that you have the ability to approach anyone. You are approaching, not a hot chick, but another person. If you think she is good looking tell her so. "Hey, I just wanted to come over and introduce myself, I am ____ your name here ___. I just thought you are pretty cute, so I wanted to see if I could get you a drink?" You know, be casual, honest and smooth. If she doesn't appreciate the relaxed and honest approach she is NOT worth it. Believe me. Even hot chicks have issues.
4. Ease in on the gaming issue - It is simple, when you are starting a relationship gaming should come second. The fact there are some of you out there who would rather game than have sex is just disturbing. Get off the damn computer, get out of the basement, get some sunlight and don't go back down till you have a stable relationship AND you know you will come up for air and see this rather smoking girl again. After you have an established relationship, then she will understand that there is this huge raid on WoW that you want to get in on. She might even like that she has a night to herself, after the honey moon stage wears off.
5. There is no Bros before Hoes - Yes I know your backward gaming man oaths. Bros before Hoes doesn't get you anywhere in life. Friends are important, but so is companionship. So unless you are truly fine with seeing your friend's smelly parts in the morning after an all night lan party and Mountain Dew binge for the rest of your life, I suggest you nip that little pact in the bud. If you don't participate in Naxx on Saturday night because you are spending time with your girl, your friends either have to choose to be supportive or you need to choose new friends. Friends will stick with you no matter what. Pathetic jerks will make you say Bros before Hoes. (Note to Chicks: If your guy says that he wants to play and uses Naxx in the sentence, just let him. Most likely you have kept him from his friends for weeks! )
Lastly I would like to say that it is essential that you do all of these before the new World of Warcraft expansion, Cataclysm, comes out with new races.We all know that once the expansion comes out all your uber 1337 gamers will not be able to pull yourself away from pwning n00bs long enough to concentrate on any female other than the Belf chick in your party that is probably a dude.