Murry State University Women's Center

A recent survey of “tweenagers”, those folks who are not quite true teens but past elementary age, found a high correlation between sexual activity and the likelihood of relationship abuse during their teen years. What is more disturbing was the survey’s revolution that parents are in the dark in relation to what their Tweens are really out doing and the lack of communication between parent and child. Teen dating violence is a form of relationship violence but it affects those who are not yet adults. Whereas domestic violence encompasses families, dating violence steps outside of the family unit and involves individuals who are in dating or romantic relationships, to include “hooking up”. The problem itself has been around for quite some time but with the selfless aide of certain organizations, more resources for dating teens have been made available bringing more light on the horrible problem. In a collaborative survey accomplished by the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH), the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline and Liz Claiborne, Inc., a more comprehensive understanding of dating behaviours in 11-14-year-olds and teen dating violence was revealed. In general, the study took a representative sampling of genders, ethnicities and communities from across the nation of over 2000 participants. Each participant was unaware of the subject matter or content of the survey and agreed to participate via a double “opt in” method, with those under 18 years of age obtaining parental consent. Over 1,000 of the study participants were between the ages of 11 and 14, nearly 525 were parents of children in the “Tween” age category and the remaining participants were Teenagers between 15 and 18-years old. As the survey’s summary results explain:

1. Dating relationships start younger than realized: nearly half of

11- to 14-year olds have been in a dating relationship.

2. Sex is considered part of tween dating relationships by a

surprising number of tweens and parents – though parents

believe it is not their tween who is having sex.

3. Significant levels of abusive behavior are reported in tween

dating relationships, and teens report that abusive behavior

increases dramatically in the teen years (age 15-18)

4. Alarmingly, data reveals that early sexual activity appears to

fuel dating violence and abuse among teenagers.

5. Although most parents discuss relationships with their tweens,

they really seem to be in the dark about what goes on.

6. Today’s tween relationship behavior may foreshadow a new

wave of disturbing abuse among teens in the near future,

unless something is done to prevent it.

This is disturbing news, in that was was revealed through this survey is that parents of those children who are in the Tween category, aged 11-14, really do not know or believe that their children are involved in risky activities. Furthermore, these parents show an astounding underestimation that sexual activities such as oral sex or intercourse actually occur and that it isn’t “their child” involved. Right off the bat, the survey revealed that over half of Tweens were in some kind of dating relationship but 72 percent “believed” that dating didn’t begin until after the age of 14-years-old, almost making each participant an expection to their own rule. Of those Tweens surveyed, almost all were kissing, and a large majority making out. Still, around 1 in 3 were having oral sex or sexual intercourse. Parents of these children, however were greatly misinformed, with less than a tenth believing their child had ever gone farther than first base. In fact, the survey revealed a clear difference in what Tweens were telling their parents and what parents “believed” their Tweens were telling them, with more than three times as many Tweens as parents admitting that they knew little or nothing about their child’s relationships. Overall, kids told their parents what they wanted them to know and went to their friends more often as they got older. Where this ties into abuse comes in with the Teenage group surveyed. When they were asked if they had ever had a sexual relationship before the age of 14, nearly half said yes. Of those, nearly 70 percent experienced one or more forms of relationship abuse, including physical abuse such as being hit, kicked or choked. In the eyes of Tweens versus Teenagers, their was a huge difference in recognizing dating violence as a problem, with about a quarter of the younger crowd seeing it as a real problem versus over 75 percent of Teenagers. Of the dating Tweens, one in five knew of a friend in their age group who was physically abused. Even still, many didn’t know where to turn for help if they or a friend fell victim to abuse. Parents also failed to recognize or even understand that children in dating relationships were experiencing problems like bullying and pressure into performing sex. Despite violent behaviours in relationships, more parents believed that abusive behaviour wasn’t part of the equation than the children witnessing the abuse first hand or knowing a friend who was a victim. The overall tone of this survey revealed an underlying problem in that sexual activity at an early age has a correlative link to abusive behaviour in relationships during the teen years, where 1 in 3 fall victim. The cycle of abuse begins somewhere and stopping it before it begins is just as, if not more important holding accountable those who are abusers. Not talking to a child at an early age seems to have some impact on just who these children talk to about sex and abuse, with Teenagers admittantly turning to friends more often. As quoted from the study:

Notably, most parents who say they haven’t

talked to their tween about relationships

(70%) say it’s because their child is too

young.

But a question for all parents is: when is “old enough”?