http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/191362

Op-Ed: In the End Was It Worth It?

Posted Jun 4, 2007 by KJ Mullins
We all wander down different paths. Every day there are choices to make; which way do I go, what should I do now. We make life altering decisions at every turn. Do you ever ask yourself was it worth it?
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My life has had many different pathways. Each one has lead me to the person I am now. At times I have laid back and thought about if I had walked down another one would I be better off. I am sure we all have times that we do this.
I have made some stupid choices in my youth. Filled my brain with drugs for a quick high when I should have concentrated on my education. My high school years were a maze of parties and nonsense.
Instead of focusing on a straight course line in uni I took courses that interested me. I loved the time I spent there but never did get a degree. I acted, wrote, directed but that piece of paper that would make a difference in the marketplace escaped me.
I fell in love with the wrong guy and got pregnant. Choosing to be a single parent was a hard step.
I fell in love again. Another child. Fourteen years of abuse.
I left a bad marriage with only a few suitcases and the youngest in tow. No job. No light at the end of the tunnel.
All those pathways. Were they worth it? Some more than others. The drugs, well I did have fun in high school. My brain still functions at a decent rate. My kids don't have three arms and have brains that are creative. Would I hit replay and do it again? Probably not as hard, but I would chances are still have been a party girl during those years.
Uni? That I would have changed. To a slight degree. I would have worked harder for a diploma but still enjoyed the rest of that life. I have a love for the arts because of those years.
Being a mother to my boys is one pathway I would never change. Staying in the abusive marriage I would. But then again. It's part of how I got to be the person I am.
And truth be told, I like this person. The skin is worn in. Comfortable.
My current pathway?
I hope that in 50 or so years when I am laying on the deathbed I will be able to smile and know that it was worth it. The pain, the tears. The laughter, the joy. All the silliness that comes with life.
Isn't that what life is about anyway?
Making it worth it.