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article imagePolice on the lookout for hit-and-run driver who hit zombie

By Holly L. Walters     Oct 30, 2014 in Odd News
Nunica - October is the one time of year when everyone can dress up as their favorite monstrous creations, but it can also showcase some of the truly horrific aspects of society.
Unfortunately, 45-year-old Jeffrey Alan Stiles from Muskegon, Michigan, was treated to a big helping of the bad side of human nature when a driver hit him and sped away.
However, there is a twist to this story that might help explain the driver’s illegal actions: Stiles was reportedly dressed up as a zombie when the hit-and-run happened.
Ottawa County Sergeant Matt Wilfong said that the costumed Muskegon resident was struck by a vehicle in Nunica while on foot near the intersection of Main Street and Cass at approximately 8:30 p.m. October 25.
Stiles indicated that he had been walking along Main Street while smoking a cigarette when the accident took place. Instead of stopping as the law commands, the driver quickly headed north in a vehicle that Stiles was not able to identify.
MLIVE reported that Stiles said that he made the decision to walk by the road while in costume because he thought it would be amusing to scare startled motorists. Perhaps the hit-and-run driver temporarily forgot what time of year it is and was actually convinced that the dead had risen and were looking to dine on the living.
If a memory lapse was indeed at the heart of this incident, the driver also forgot the number one rule for dealing with a zombie -- you must destroy the brain in order to completely neutralize the threat. Fortunately for Stiles, he only suffered from non-life threatening injuries, but it was necessary for him to be hospitalized as a result of the accident. Stiles’ condition was listed as good on October 26.
According to the Detroit Free Press, local police are looking for information about the hit-and-run driver. Anyone who has information about the hit-and-run should contact the Ottawa County Sheriff’s Department by calling (616) 738-4000.
In the meantime, local area residents could probably benefit from brushing up on zombie basics. That way they will be prepared to deal with the undead if there comes a time when the zombie on the side of the road is not just a person who has stepped outside from a Halloween party.
This thought process has already been embraced by the Governor of Kansas, who declared October Zombie Preparedness Month. Not to be outdone, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have also been trying to raise awareness with their Zombie Preparedness Guide.
It is probably a good idea for zombies and other monsters to brush up on their Halloween safety skills, as well. For example, it is probably not wise to purposefully try to scare motorists like Stiles did, especially if you don't want to end up spending Halloween in a hospital bed. Keep in mind that walking outside after dark will make it more difficult for drivers to see you, so you should consider adding something reflective to your costume.
Stiles is expected to fully recover from his injuries without any serious complications, but it is still important for the police and local residents to keep an eye out for any vehicle that has become recently damaged. After all, a hit-and-run is a very serious offense. This type of action presents a very real threat to everyone in the area, unlike a costumed zombie who had absolutely no intention of eating anyone’s brains.
More about Zombie, Zombies, Michi, Hit and run, Stiles
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