1) What's your SWPM rate ... Swear Words Per Minute ?
2) DIY prenuptial agreements are null and void here
3) Russian mail order brides will cost extra
4) We have a 10 strikes-and-you-are-out rule here ... sort of
5) You can't say FU ... but you can spell it out on your fingernails
6) No kids are allowed but we have Nanny 911 service available on the premises ... for you
7) All rantings must be preapproved by your followers on Twitter
8) Instead of jars, we have Swear Drums ... $100 bills only please
9) Obscene phone calls will be charged at $99 for the first minute and $199 for each additional minute
10) Only one phone call allowed per day. For the rest of the day, you must blow into this Vuvuzela
11) It's not your fault. When you are not making babies, you gotta release the pressure somewhere else
12) This facility is jointly owned by David Schwimmer and Danny Glover. Is that OK with you ?
Gawker.com / Maureen O'Connor
Credit / CYA : The preceding is a piece of creative writing conceived at the observation deck of my memory bank using my own words (subject to conscious or subconscious inclusion of preexisting terms, phrases and punchlines).