driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat
first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents.'
was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.. During her struggle
the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.. She's
hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?'
5) POLI CE # 1
a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted
by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued
writing the report My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the
police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,'
she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my
6) POLICE # 2
the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw
a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he
'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me
and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd
for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used
to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly
the canes, walkers and wheelchairs... One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you
a headache the next morning.'
along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the
intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently,
his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling
that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and
cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought
his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn,
and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my
girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my
time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they
won't let me talk!'
boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He
picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf
that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out... 'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET