The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to
respond like this?
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout
line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little
to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the
Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs
in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works
is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two
every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works
well and I was going to try it again.. (I have to mention here that practically
everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass
and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing
so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world
to think of crazy things to say.
(Sorry folks about the minor Walmart dig...but it's part of the joke!)
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