In writing the third part of this series, I tossed around a few different ideas regarding how a couple that has been drifting apart from each other can pull it back together. I had a few more ideas to share but I have decided that I am going to go in a different direction. That direction would be when to walk away from it all. The reason for my change in direction is because many cases people stick around for years trying to make something work that no matter how much time energy and effort they put into the relationship, it is simply not going to be anything other than a time and energy drain. Why? Because it takes both of you. A quality relationship simply can not exist on the energy from one partner, it will always take both of you. I can speak with some authority on this. During my professional career I have been driven enough to accomplished just about anything that I have set my mind on. I decided when I was in my very early twenties that I wanted to have a career in advertising. Within a ten years of setting that goal I was the creative director at a respected agency in San Francisco. I have always been able to accomplish my goals because I simply view each problem as something with many solutions and my task is to pick the best one. If it was learning how to program, write music, direct film, I was always able to find solutions and to keep moving forward. This attitude did not work when I was married because when the other person is not involved, no matter how much effort you put into the relationship it will always be a drain on the one making the effort. After years of banging my head against the wall my lawyer said it best when I was pondering what I could have done different. He simply looked at me and said “Erin, there is compromising and then there is just losing.” That statement was a real wake up call for me. When I looked at it that way I saw that I was in a job I hated in order to avoid conflict at home. I was in a city that I did not want to live in to avoid conflict. I was essentially living a life I hated, all in a effort to make a broken relationship work. Even after giving up everything a simple fact remained: It wasn't working and I had nothing more to give. So why am I telling you all of this? Simple. In all the books and seminars I attended no one ever told me when it was time to call it quits. It was only after my divorce when I started to obsessively study relationship psychology that I found the answer, and here it is: When the two of you have drifted so far apart that the other can no longer be reached then you might want to think about moving on. Its not the fighting that is a problem, that can be fixed. It is the silence. When you pass through the realm of fighting with no healing and exist in a state of silence and secret loathing, then it is time to move on. You only have one life. One. You get one shot at everything this life has to offer and giving up your only chance at a fulfilling existence simply to stay with someone who no longer loves you is not worth it. Not even by a long shot. If you are in one of these terrible relationships then let me tell you that there is life after it is over. You will be amazed with how much time, energy, and effort you were putting into a relationship that was only sucking the life out of you. Once you take back this energy it is truly amazing how great life can be. It was the most difficult choice I ever made, and I know it may be one of yours, but it was also the best decision I ever made. Life is simply too short to look back on it and wonder what happened. Seek Joy - Erin www.energyofromance.com

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