How To Save the London Olympics

It has now rained for about forty days and nights, here in London, England . It hasn't stopped me from doing anything - other than having to cancel a few picnics - as I have a variety of umbrellas and sensible clothing and footwear. Every week or so, the sun puts in a cameo appearance, just to taunt us. It's possible that the story of Noah's Ark is based on a real story based on events from a past British summer. Now, we have just over a week to go before we host the Olympics. So, how do we salvage the Olympic Games if the rain goes on and on and on, as it has? I have a modest proposal. As I was stuck on the Central Line for an hour and a half on Saturday night (doing what is "normally" a 10-minute journey) I pondered the boast of the organisers that this would be the first public transport games. An American guy who was stuck on the Tube with me said:"Does this happen often?" "Yes", we all said in chorus. "We get stuck just like this on the Underground trains, all the time". So why not have the Olympics on the Tube? Right on the Central Line? Assuming it doesn't get flooded again, as it did a few weeks ago? The competitors may be able to get to the waterlogged venues as they will be in the Olympic Village. But lot of judges, officials and spectators will be on the Tube. How about just leaving a few medals in each train carriage? Okay, you can't do 100 metres, but you can do whatever you can? And quite a lot of taking the Tube regularly involves athletics, so we can adapt some climbing events to involve fitting yourself into a crowded carriage? And nabbing a seat, for extra points? Britain is famous for having adaptable people. So, let's adapt. As to the prospect of the Olympic Park being waterlogged, let's turn that to the advantage of Team GB. After all, our people are used to working out in rain. Let's make the whole park a swimming pool! Let's have beach volleyball on the Mall with a real water handicap! Indeed, let's declare that we planned it this way all the time. All the cycling events were meant to be underwater. We can just brazen this out and claim a whole lot of medals. Anything in the Stadium can just have an additional underwater element. We know we can do it. Let's make Britain proud, by showing what we are best at. Which is, after all, dealing with the weather.