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Blog Posted in avatar   David Rendimonti's Blog

Things that go BUMP in the night...

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By David Rendimonti
Posted Nov 3, 2011 in Lifestyle
Our house is always in motion. With two highly active young girls and two very spirited dogs you know something will be going on. The girls have dance parties or some other grand performance every day with their friends after school and homework. We love it because it keeps them moving, having fun and they remain close by. The dogs remind me of the velociraptors in the Jurassic Park movies - “clever girls”. They know where the food is and work together to get at it whether pulling out drawers, sliding closet doors or opening cupboards. With all of this hustle and bustle we get some very tired girls each night and sleep is welcome and deep.
Our house is always in motion...even during the night.
Many years ago ‘G’, our eldest, received a stuffed character from a neighbourhood friend of ours. This toy isn’t a stuffed animal nor is it a doll, rather something in between. Picture one of Peter Pan’s lost boys - the portly fellow in the bear costume - and you’ll have a pretty good picture of what he looks like.
‘Love of My Life’ and I think this is one of the spookiest ‘stuffies’ we have ever seen. He’s Chucky-like with his waxy complexion and ever open eyes that, quite simply, freak you out.
It seems he has the opposite effect on our little princess and so she adopted him as her bedtime BFF. We call him spooky. She calls him Ned. No kidding. I guess she was listening when we described his spookiness because the name stuck and ‘Spooky Ned’ was born.
Spooky Ned is cool. Scary cool. The story that G has made up is that he is a master martial artist...and nocturnal. Very clever when you think about it - all it takes to keep away the monsters from under your bed is one very awake kung fu guru of the night - Spooky Ned. I have this image of the old (and cheesy) Hai Karate after shave commercials with Spooky Ned doing his bit to keep his assailant away. If you don’t know what I mean, please go to YouTube and enjoy the Hai Karate experience.
How cool is Spooky Ned? Chuck Norris kind of cool.
If you’re unfamiliar with the phenomenon, Chuck Norris is the bomb...the real deal...über cool. After claiming fame and fortune with his martial arts MIA movies and Texas Ranger television series, Chuck Norris went on to legendary status when an interesting summary of facts and jokes about him emerged.
Let me explain.
“Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.”
“Obama is the President of America. Chuck Norris is the president of Obama.”
“The sun wears Chuck Norris block.”
Like I said, Spooky Ned is Chuck Norris cool. They are brothers in arms. Spooky Ned is nightshift to Chuck Norris’ dayshift. Best friends forever.
G still has Spooky Ned and he watches over her and house every evening. His face has gotten a little greener - not from illness or age - rather due to a unfortunate dryer incident and his fur is worn from love.
If you stay at our house and hear a BUMP in the night it is most likely Spooky Ned executing a superb roundhouse kick to something that shouldn’t be here in the first place. In fine ‘fun and fact’ Chuck Norris tradition, “When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Spooky Ned.”
***
Post script 1: Spooky Ned is real and very dangerous. Don’t mess with the Spookster.
Post script 2: Don’t put Spooky Ned in the dryer or he’ll turn green.
Post script 3: Don’t put Spooky Ned in the dryer or G will scream until your ear lobes fall off.
Post script 4: Spooky Ned wears t-shirts for new borns tha we get from all around the world.
***

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