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article imageOp-Ed: Ohio runs out of execution drug

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By William M. Schmalfeldt     Sep 25, 2013 in Odd News
Lucasville - It's a good news, bad news scenario. Ohio got to kill a guy last night. And he had a killin' coming if you believe in capital punishment.
The condemned man, Harry Mitts, Jr., spewed racial slurs before fatally shooting a black man and a police officer in a 1994 rampage that prosecutors called one of the worst Ohio has seen. He got his final booster shot this morning.
But... uh-oh! Ohio's supply of its death drug is expiring! And if you know anything about the good people of Ohio, you know the last thing they want to do is jeopardize the safety of a condemned prisoner by exposing him to expired drugs.
So, Ohio (which, when spelled "ohayo" means "Good Morning" in Japanese), will have to come up with a new way of showing its citizens the wrongness of killing people by killing people.
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Ohio (whose main claim to fame is that it keeps Indiana and Pennsylvania from crashing into each other) will not make us wait long to announce how they intend to take human life for the crime of taking human life. According to a report in Talking Points Memo:
With Ohio's supply of pentobarbital expiring, the Department of Rehabilitation and Correction has said it expects to announce its new execution method by Oct. 4. Pentobarbital is no longer available because its manufacturer has put it off limits to states for executions.
So, either Ohio has to find a new drug to kill its citizens with, or they'll have to come up with some other way. We here at the "Smart Guy Institute of Elkridge, Maryland" have a few suggestions:
1. Forcing Death Row inmates to smoke an entire carton of unfiltered Lucky Strikes each day. (LSMFT = Lucky Strikes Means Fast-growing Tumors).
2. Having five lottery winners personally beat the condemned person to death with tube socks filled with silver dollars that the winners get to keep. (The $5 lottery tickets will raise a fortune for the state.)
3. Tearing the condemned person to pieces like they did that Braveheart guy. (The price of admission to the spectacle would eliminate the state budget deficit.)
If you need any more ideas, Ohio, give us a holler.
This opinion article was written by an independent writer. The opinions and views expressed herein are those of the author and are not necessarily intended to reflect those of DigitalJournal.com
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