The Sun:
The clever canines board the Tube each morning.
After a hard day scavenging and begging on the streets, they hop back on the train and return to the suburbs where they spend the night.
It’s long been my theory that dogs and cats originally domesticated humans. The commuting is just another example:
Dog/Cat: Tell you what- You guys go build a civilization, and we’ll live in it, OK?
Human: Oh, yeah…. That makes sense.
Dog/Cat: Wanna throw in some infrastructure, light, heating and stuff too?
Human: Right, will do.
With this democratic principle in operation, dogs and cats have managed a cultural and technological society for thousands of years.
You’ll notice that the canine grapevine is also perfectly capable of getting suburban dogs in on the act. They’re terrible gossips. The scuttlebutt, “free food” is good enough to get them all commuting.
The next phase, of course, will be stretch limos and chauffeur-driven canines for the upmarket mutts.
A bit of research shows the repertoire for the furry fakers.
Tricks, yet, and how to train them to look cute enough to get more food, not at all coincidentally.
All animal handlers, particularly the experts, say bribery is the easy way to manage animals. What a coincidence. They found a use for humans long before humans found excuses to have pets. People have been under the impression that they’re the smart ones when it’s them doing the manipulating.
The theory “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is rapidly becoming a
contradiction in terms. More like “You can’t teach any dog any tricks unless there’s something in it for them”.
So if you walk into work one day and find yourself working for a Pomeranian, don’t complain about it. You’ll learn a lot from your real boss.
By the way- How’re you going with the “instinct is the only behaviour animals have” routine, guys? I'd say you're stone cold dead.
