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article imageReview: UK Soap Emmerdale — Has Megan found the next girl band? Special

By Jane Reynolds     Jan 30, 2013 in Entertainment
A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in Emmerdale, the popular British Soap Opera.
For episodes broadcast in the UK 21st-25th January 2013
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Dan's the man; Debbie thinks she is; Alicia's all woman, and have we found the next girl band?
I thought I'd dropped off and woken up in the middle of an episode of Dragons' Den when I heard Debbie and Dom negotiating over his percentage share of her business.
I also thought I might have been dreaming, because surely nobody in their right mind would offer someone she didn't like (and who was pretty-much threatening to blackmail her) not only a job, but a share in a business where nobody even wanted him?
Still, it seemed that she was – and she did! I'm struggling with this whole storyline as it seems rather far-fetched and even less believable than it did last week. I'm also struggling with the Dom character. I just can't take to him, I'm afraid.
Dan's still the man
It can sometimes take a while for characters to 'bed in', but when I think back to Dan's first few scenes I know I was hooked on him straight away and wrote that I'd hoped he'd get a bigger part.
Aah, look at him now: nominated for 'Best Newcomer' at the NTAs this week. Ok, he didn't win (let's not even go there … ) but it was still nice to be nominated, and I'm looking forward to lots of good stuff from Dan this year – especially if my wish for him and Kerry to get together comes true!
Dan's unlucky in love, and Jai's jealous of the time Sam's spending with Archie and at the thought of him and and Rachel getting together and Archie growing up thinking he's his daddy. He didn't like Rachel taking him into the pub either, but Rachel told him where to get off.
"You don't get to tell me where I take my son," she seethed.
"No. I just fund it," he snapped back.
Typical, that. He was the one who offered, and he was the one who'd promised to stay out of their lives but – oh no, it's a lot different in reality, isn't it mate? I don't blame Jai for being in bits over it though. That baby looks the spit of him, doesn't he? Such a cutie!
Rachel's no 'slapper', but Charity will be!
It would be nice for Rachel and Sam to get together though. Sam'd certainly like it, but I reckon Rachel would rather have Jai. She might well have had him too – if Charity had put two and two together after she'd slapped him (Rachel's no slapper, but she gave him a right whack, didn't she?!), but the normally razor-sharp Charity – surprisingly – didn't twig what was really going on right under her nose.
Give it time. She'll get there in the end, and we can't wait until she does! I love Charity, so am always happy to see her on-screen – no matter what she's doing (apart from when she's being mean to Edna).
Who gets the booby prize?
Alicia's chest was attracting quite a bit of attention this week. Eric's eyes were on the prize.
"Go wearing that and you won't be needing any luck," he remarked – staring at her puppies appreciatively (before slipping on Val's puppy's pee!).
"Why? Cos Megan likes boobs?" Alicia questioned. Nice one!
It wasn't just Eric either. Priya found herself gazing at Alicia's assets' (hard not to, I suppose?) in her interview outfit. Alicia was looking at Priya's clothes too.
"I was worried they were looking for a nanny," she observed.
"Why?" Priya asked.
"Well, what with you coming as Mary Poppins," Alica explained.
"As opposed to Mary Popout?" Priya retorted.
Kerching! Nice one! There's nothing I like more than a bit of witty bitchy banter, and the excellent Emmerdale writers never disappoint!
'The Loud Girls'?
I'm surprised that they weren't able to get any suitably-qualified candidates for the job though (as neither Alicia or Priya could really be deemed to have the right 'skill set', could they?) although if I'd realised I was going to be working with Nicola (and having her sat there looking down her nose at me) I'd have been desperate to get the hell out of there, and would have only bothered hanging around in order to enjoy a few minutes of sitting opposite The Smile!
I don't even know why Megan would have had Nicola there. She's hardly blessed with 'people skills', and after being caught out at Alicia's interview:
Nicola: "List some weaknesses."
Alicia: "Mine, or yours?" she was determined not to be shown up a second time.
"List some weaknesses … of yours," she asked pointedly.
"An intolerance of clichéd interview questions," Priya replied snootily.
Honestly. If I'd have been The Smile I'd have sent both Nicola and Priya packing and brought somebody completely new in (as long as it wasn't just an opportunity for Dom's ex wife to suddenly arrive in the Village too!).
Look at the candidates. The two on the right looked far more suitable, but don't you think they'd make a great girl band? (They've even got the ginger one!) Move over Little Mix and Girls Aloud!
Carry On Cancelling
It's such a carry-on up there. They're all cooped up in that one tiny corner (battery chickens would complain about the lack of space!); when they're not cancelling meetings they're being rude to each other, and as for Robbie: that lad doesn't know when he's well off.
Declan offered him a job (again) this week, but after he told him to stand in for Sam he got all stroppy and ended up leaving. What exactly did he think he'd be doing, working for an Events business on an Estate? It's the sort of job where you have to muck in (or muck out) and do whatever's necessary, but Robbie clearly wasn't happy at not going in as MD so left to work … on a farm.
Funny, aye, and here's the rest of our Grins of The Week:
Charity (about Val and Alicia): "What are they laughing at? Someone died?"
Nicola (as Megan took her coffee): "That was for me."
The Smile: "Excellent use of the past tense."
Rachel (about Sam): "Just because he doesn't run his own company."
Jai: "He couldn't run a tap."
Priya: "I haven't said yes yet."
Nicola: "Don't try haggling. It's a job, not a handbag. We're not in Morocco."
Lisa: "Do you want a brew?"
Luke: "That'd be amazing."
Lisa: "Oh, would it now?"
Belle: "I keep telling mum about our place. It's such an 'epic fail'."
Rishi: "Your brother is not in a very good place."
Nikhil: "Accrington?"
Rishi: "What?"
Lisa (to a grumpy Jai): "Did I mention how thrilled we are to have you back?" (!)
PS
* Did they run out of room on this sign, or is it just bad spelling?
* Vanessa told Alicia she wasn't really looking for a husband. Another clue about her sexuality, perhaps?
* Don't you just love Lisa? I've met her twice now and had a kiss and a hug both times. She's everything you'd want a mum to be, isn't she?
* Did you hear Moira's brass bed creaking when she and Cain were sitting on it? Blimey, you'd certainly be in no doubts as to when she was 'entertaining a gentleman caller'!
* My father's very sick. Apologies for the lateness of this post, and I'm afraid there won't be a post next week. Sorry.
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