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article imageReview: Emmerdale — I'll never hurt you again - till the next time Special

By Jane Reynolds     Jan 15, 2013 in Entertainment
A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in Emmerdale, the popular British Soap Opera.
For episodes broadcast in the UK 7th-11th January 2013
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Declan feels cheated; Jai's already cheated, Cain's 'Cain', Belle's being a teenage pain, & might it be eventually be wedding bells for Bob and Brenda?
Christmas Catchup
Ok, I know it's a bit like picking over the bones of the dried up old turkey by this point, but as I haven't been able to put a post out since 16th December (because of my father's illness), I just wanted to mention a couple of things.
In my opinion, the 40th Anniversary live episode last October has to have been – without question – the pinnacle of ANY Soap's output during 2012 (maybe even ever?). The work involved in producing a TOTALLY live, hour-long episode was Soapland's greatest achievement to date, and after such perfection there was no way that the Christmas episodes could have ever realistically been expected to come anywhere near close.
What we had was Chas being acquitted of Carl's murder, but – to be fair – we all knew she would be, or it wouldn't have made much of a storyline, would it?
I was disappointed to see Cameron kill again, as unless he now 'does a Carl' (and gets away with it for years), I guess it's inevitable that he's going to be 'found out' and will end up leaving at some point?
As you'll know if you're a regular reader, it's always been my hope to see he and Chas running the Woolpack together (with Diane, of course!), but I can't really see that happening now – especially as his behaviour's becoming so erratic that he'll be in danger of being carted off in a straight jacket by the end of the month if he's not careful (him and me both, at the moment!).
Mind you; he DID suddenly remember to call his son Harry instead of 'mate' for once this week, so maybe he hasn't gone completely gaga quite yet?
So, on to things more current …
All the money in the world can't buy you happiness, and I'm very pleased to see Declan being faced with something he can't control or buy his way out of. I can't really see him as a father to a little baby anyway. He's so self-centred he'd barely be able to cope if Katie wasn't focussing on him 24/7.
Look at him this week: you can see he resents her having female friends, and also can't cope with her being in a wheelchair, although (like Corrie's Sophie Webster) Katie appears to be making a miraculous recovery and is on her feet again already.
He feels cheated; as if this 'wasn't what he signed up for', but life does that to you sometimes, doesn't it, and it's about time someone wiped the smug smile off his face.
Talking of smiles; The Smile's plotting to get her money back and leg it with Robbie. She's doing a great impression of someone who really cares. She's got such a genuine, believable smile that it's no wonder Deccers is trusting her again.
I'll never hurt you again – until the next time!
I doubt Charity will ever trust Jai again if (er, when, more like!) she finds out about baby Archie, especially after their emotional reunion this week and his (famous last) words: "I swear to God I will never, ever hurt you."
Why do people say that, aye, when they KNOW they're lying and know they ARE going to hurt them again (even as the words are coming out of their mouths)? For God's sake, TELL HER man, and put us all out of our misery!
Moira laid it on the line to Cain that there was to be no more messing her about. He agreed, but barely five minutes later was back ignoring her calls and not turning up to dinner!
He and Declan ought to get together. They could go around being all 'up themselves' and cutting off their noses to spite their faces, and that way nobody else would have to be involved in their juvenile behaviour.
Moira should have more respect for herself too, and tell Cain to get lost until he can behave like a normal human being. He's an idiot, and fancy telling her to cancel the meeting with 'The Supermarket', just because he'd deigned to want to spend a bit of time with her!
Honestly. If it's not people behaving like two-year-olds, it's people behaving as if they haven't got the sense they were born with.
It's right in front of your face, Bob (literally)
Bob and Brenda just need to twig that they'd make a great couple; Dan needs to stop faffing around with the Brontes and focus on the Geordies (i.e. Kerry,) and Debbie needs to forget about Cameron and get back together with Andy and give those children a proper dad!
I'm loving Belle more than ever now she's suddenly turned into a teenager (not very impressed with Gemma though), but I'm not liking Jake The Peg, I'm afraid.
There's some amazing child actors in the Soaps, but I'm sorry to have to say that little Jacob's not quite one of them. He's rather wooden, and often gets the emphasis and inflections in his lines wrong (it's been particularly noticeable at times this week), and only seems to have one facial expression too, poor lamb.
It's like the X Factor. There's lots of average singers on the show, but at that level you need to be better than average. That's my point about Jacob. He's a perfectly good, 'average' child actor, but in a prime-time Soap you need to be at the next level, and if you compare him to Belle for example (who at that age was already brilliant), I just feel that he isn't quite 'up there'.
Everyone's back to work with the post-Christmas blues, so have a smile with our Grins of The Week:
Cain (to Dan): "You'll be polishing that car with your face in a minute."
Georgia (about Molly): "Do you think she looks like me?"
Nikhil: "Yeah. She's got your steely eyes."
Jimmy: "I didn't have the heart (to say no to Chas). Sorry."
Nicola: "You will be."
Steve: "I'm not big on dishonesty."
Chas: "I think you might be with the wrong bird then, love."
Bob (about Dan): "Any openings up there, have you? He's taken root since he's quit the factory."
Nicola: "Nah. There's more chance of us hiring the sausage butty."
PS
* Are Noah, EastEnders' Cousin ITT and Corrie's Max cousins? They're all little long-haired blond boys!
* Thank goodness they didn't drag that stalker storyline out. Thomas is like Carl reincarnated though, isn't he? You'd think he was Tom Lister's REAL son!
* Is Rachel starting to want rather more than just a baby with Jai?
* Just wondered how Lizzie is able to place an assortment of sweets into a box when she can't see?
* I thought Bob said, "Nipples over there," but when I replayed it I found it was nibbles. Oh, how I laughed!
* Ah, Brenda reminded us of that great old proverb: "Procrastination is the mother of— " Very profound!
* Brenda said to Bob, "He couldn't even look me in the eye". In that dress, I'm not surprised, love!
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