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article imageReview: Two non-weddings, three bike rides and a funeral in the soaps Special

By Alexander Baron     Jan 1, 2013 in Entertainment
Somebody is not having a happy new year, but murder, adultery, and brotherly hate are good for the ratings, as long as people don't forget it's only fantasy.
(Note: This article contains spoilers for those who haven't yet seen these soaps).
Do the scriptwriters for Britain's three leading soaps have some sort of psychic connection, or is this something more prosaic? In Coronation Street, two people who had been married to each other were about to remarry but didn't when it was brought to his attention that she had just been trying to mend the fence with her recently divorced second husband. In EastEnders, the odious Max Branning was unable to remarry his second wife for the second time because his third wife - the one he thought he had divorced turned up - and he hadn't. Two repeat non-weddings?
Meanwhile over in Emmerdale village, having confessed to a murder that may just have passed for manslaughter, lorry driver Cameron then goes and murders the man to whom he confessed, and buries him in the woods. We were promised, or it was hinted heavily that in EastEnders, the equally odious Derek Branning would meet a sticky end, possibly on account of his being responsible for brother Max's aforementioned non-wedding, but though Derek did indeed draw his final breath, it was a heart attack that sent him to meet his Maker (or more likely that other bloke, the one with the trident and the forked tail). Having said that, no one gave him or even considered giving him a bit of resuscitation therapy, much less the kiss of life.
Which brings us to the bike rides. Well, since the death of her husband, farmer's widow Moira has become the village bike, and now she really does go for a ride with bad guy Cain, and they are an item. It remains to be seen if it will last. The other two bike rides are in EastEnders where the biggest plum in Albert Square - pub landlord Alfie Moon - has finally got shot of his slut of a wife, Kat, and is now moving in his younger mistress, who is, well, younger, and not quite such a tart.
Hopefully, Jessie Wallace will now leave this soap and find something more in keeping with her considerable talents. In 2007, she played Marie Lloyd in a one-off dramatisation, which saw her upstage the original.
What though of the future for the actual characters of these soaps? Well, Cameron Murray isn't about to kill again, yet, but give him time. Meanwhile, feuds are quietly fomenting in both the other soaps, which could well result in a punch up the bracket, or something far more serious. Likely protagonists include Phil Mitchell and third Branning brother Jack in EastEnders, and even possibly half-brothers David and Nick in Coronation Street. Things are sweet between them at the moment, but they won't be when David realises that instead of spending the first night of his cancelled honeymoon with a lounge lizard at the hotel, Nick actually bedded his wife, a drunken Kylie.
More about Eastenders, Coronation street, Emmerdale
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