A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in Coronation Street, the popular British Soap Opera.
This post looks at episodes broadcast in the UK 10th-14th December 2012.
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Gail crows; Kylie's got a crowbar; Stella glows and Curse-ty's baby photo doesn't get a glowing response …
Affairs of the heart loom large this week, and all's not well between David and Kylie. When your wife comes at you with a crowbar it's never a good sign, and Tommy deliberately chose to go into the Bistro to tell her that he'd just seen David coming out the the shower at Tina's.
"Don't do anything daft," Eva warned her.
"Why? What's daft about cold-blooded murder?" she seethed as she stormed off to confront him.
It was a cracking row. Kylie's a great actress and is one of the best in the business when it comes to a slanging match!
Luckily for David, Gary was there to 'hold her back' and it's lucky for Gail that Eileen wasn't a bit closer to her (or had a crowbar in her hand) or there'd have potentially been more blood shed on the cobbles this week.
"Wind your neck in … you nosy cow," was all Eileen managed to shout across the street after Gail goaded her about Jason's new Mrs Robinson relationship.
Poor old Eileen – walking in to find her son in a passionate clinch with her 49-year-old friend. The funny thing is though: if it had been the other way round, nobody would be batting an eyelid, would they? Why is it that everyone gets so exercised over an older woman being with a younger man?
Stella should 'fill her boots' and enjoy the ride (so to speak), as there'll be thousands of women out there who'd happily swap places and be dead envious of her for bagging such a good-looking, fit (and nice) guy as our Jason. He, too, can hardly have much to complain about. Stella's a fine figure of a woman, and there's a lot of men (and women) who'd be just as envious of him, I'm sure.
Get to the back of the queue, mate
First in line is – of course – Karl, but if he was stupid enough to let a woman like that go, then more fool him. It's awful to see him trying to get her back – and right under Sunita's nose (although she doesn't realise it yet) like that. I really don't want them to get back together, EVER.
Karl lost his chance. He's a waste of space. He's a good character, but not good enough for Stella, as he's let her down so many times (and in so many ways) that it would just demean HER character if she were to ever take him back again.
So … as for people taking people back again … Peter's back – and back for good.
I'm too sexy for my bookie's
Blimey. He's loving himself now that he's had his makeover, isn't he? The trendy new haircut; the beard-y thing and the tan: it's like George Clooney himself has stepped onto the cobbles … NOT. Not for me, anyway.
He reminds me more of Keiran (Keith Duffy), but although I'm happy not to see him smoking, that 'evangelical' air he's had about him this week has irritated the hell out of me.
Last time we saw Peter he was a scruffy, alcoholic, smoking, shifty little bookie, but you'd think it was Jesus himself 'come amongst' us with that new, pious attitude he's adopted!
Still, who cares? He's back, and there's been some very sweet scenes with Simon this week, as the little lad had to go from the joy of seeing his dad back to despair at the thought of him leaving again.
My heart melted when I saw him trotting into the Airport with his rucksack on his back – bless, and that was the second that Carla had to accept that it was over between her and Peter.
Any affair is made doubly difficult when there are children involved, and – as so often happens – ultimately the parent chooses the child over the woman/man.
Tell him to 'get stuffed', Carla
There's a full Carla Corner post this week (on my website: janereynolds.co.uk which looks at it all in depth from Carla's point of view, but as to the future of the pair of them: it's clear that Leanne's thinking she's about to marry the wrong feller (as Nick fears), and – in time – Carla will come to realise that it would never have worked out with Peter in the long-term – because of Simon, and will realise just what a lucky escape she had.
Carla's like a fish out of water when she has to be a part of anything to do with 'family', and the thought of her sitting round the table playing happy families with Tracy and eating Deirdre's stuffed marrow is about as far-fetched a concept as Kirk winning Mastermind!
Carla's a loner. She needs one person to love totally, and to love her back TOTALLY in return. Cue Michelle …
Don't bite the hand that feeds you, Rob
She also needs to get back in and send Rob packing. How DARE he speak to her like he did this week? He'd be in the gutter without the lifeline Carla gave him. He's got no management (or man-management) skills, and I'd be very happy to see the back of him. Not that I don't like HIM; it's just that we all want to see Carla and Michelle back running the factory together, that's all.
It pains me to say it, but I thought those scenes with the Crossing Patrol people were absolutely cringe worthy (apart from Beth's line, "It must be Gay Pride or something,"), and that even Steve (who normally gets it spot-on) was so OTT with the cowboy-speak that it made me wince.
I loved the scene where Nick and Leanne were discussing having David to stay (in pretty negative terms – and right in front of him). "I am here you know?" he piped up! Here's the best of the rest in our Grins of the Week:
Sean (looking at Ruby's photo): "Don't worry. I had a wonky eye when I was born but it soon cleared up."
Curse-ty: "She hasn't got a wonky eye (!)""
Rob: "I think their secretary fancies me; my voice turns her on."
Michelle: "Tone deaf, is she?"
Norris (fishing for Beth to buy him a drink): "I haven't paid for mine yet."
Beth: "Well, get on with it then."
David: "Jeremy Kyle's on in a minute."
Tina: "Never mind Kyle. It's Kylie you wanna see."
David (smirking appreciatively): "I see what you did there."
Steve: "What is Street Cars' motto?"
Lloyd: " … Dunno."
Peter (finding out Leanne was just about to leave for her wedding, etc): "Obviously if I'd have known I'd have done things differently."
Leanne: "How would you have done that: sent a message in a bottle?"
* Why's Beth wearing a necklace with 'C' on it? Is she dyslexic, or is it for Craigie?
* Nice to see Craig back. It's been ages!
* Peter said that Carla looked beautiful in the sunshine. I don't know about you, but I simply can't picture those two on a beach – or even outdoors exposing anything more than their faces to the light. They resemble a pair of vampires most of the time (cloaked head-to-toe in black like they are).
Can you actually imagine them in swimwear? I can't. (Well, I can, but it's not exactly pleasurable – unlike the thought of Ali King in a bikini … ) Do they even make black, full length cossies?
Thanks for reading Corrie Corner, and I hope that (unlike half the characters on the cobbles) you'll have a Very Happy Holiday!