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article imageReview: UK Soap EastEnders — Bread makers? It's all hot air this week

By Jane Reynolds     Nov 11, 2012 in Entertainment
A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in EastEnders, the popular British Soap Opera.
For episodes broadcast in the UK 5th - 9th November 2012.
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Billy's flashing the cash (whose?); Ray's flashy menu was wasted on the Moons and I wasted two whole hours of my life watching it all …
I suspected that it would had to have been a 'flash in the pan', and it certainly was.
After saying that I enjoyed Friday's episode last week, it was back to normal with a bump this week, and there were more holes in the script than there are in my slippers.
We had Billy coming back from shopping in a taxi and looking as if he'd won the lottery (judging by the amount of bags in his hand). Bread maker? A bread maker? Do you know how much those things cost … and simply to make Phil's gaff seem 'homely'?
What a joke – as was Lola buying-up an armful of flowers. Where did she get the money for them then, and did you notice how she put her arm out and there just happened to be a vase there … one which was EXACTLY the right size to put them in?
Ooh, they've got some funny ideas, this lot
Who had Cousin ITT for the weekend when Jack and Sharon went away? He wasn't in the car with them when they got back, and what about Sharon's speech to the social worker, aye?
Blimey. You'd have thought Tony Blair himself had written it, it was so contrived and sickly, and do you really think that Sharon (or anyone trying to apply for custody of a child) would have said, 'And if you don't like it you can stick it where the sun don't shine'?
No, nor me. Do you also think that anyone who was REALLY desperate to get their new husband back would say "Yasmin loves you," and not "I LOVE YOU" to the dodgy-hairstyled old queen?
No, nor me, and what about Amira rolling up and announcing that she'd not only fallen in love again (despite having still been in love with Syed last time we saw her), but was getting married, and that the guy was wanting to take Yasmin on too? What a stoke of luck, aye, and Syed handed her straight over, so that was that little 'loose end' all neatly tied up, wasn't it?
Does that come wiv' chips, mate?
Kim running the B&B without a fridge or a freezer, but don't worry, cos the council are 'sorting it'? I can't even be bothered to waste my time writing about what's wrong with that one, and what about the meal Ray served up for Kat and Alfie?
Carrot top pesto? There were things on those plates that would have even sounded pretentious to the sort of folk who frequent the clarrsiest of joints 'Up West', never mind the likes of Kat and Alfie Moon.
Alfie's barely house trained (he can't even drink out of a mug without slurping), and Kat resembles an old hooker, and one who looked about as out of place at that playgroup this week as Lucy Beale at a WeightWatchers session.
What about the poker game at the Vic? Only the Branning brothers invited? A bit convenient, wouldn't you say, and what if Alfie had found the ring?
I never get tired of watching Kim's walk or her expressions, but – aside from that – we're back to no Grins of the Week (again) this week.
We did have a Bad Drinking From a Mug Award to Roxy though. She didn't even tip the (clearly empty) mug up to her mouth, or have a swallow.
This has been the worst week I think I've ever known in EastEnders. The so-called 'story lines' were poorly thought out, poorly written, and it all just felt like (and came across like) a complete load of old padding to me.
That's just my opinion, of course, and please remember that I always give praise where it's due, but I've truly struggled to find a single good thing to say about the show this week.
PS
* Billy's looking rough. Has he been using Christian's hair dye too?
* The social worker said that he'd noticed that Ben was up on a murder charge. "It's, er, manslaughter," Phil corrected him. Oh, well, that's alright then, isn't it? Just hand the baby over then, mate.
* Mas turned away when Zainab tried to kiss him. Is he mad?
* AS IF Zainab would have really pulled the plug on the electrics at the fireworks 'do' (complaining that some people were trying to sleep)? It was November the fifth. That's what happens on bonfire night …
If you agree (or disagree!) with anything I've written this week, come and tell me why on 'Jane's Soapy Corners', LIVE on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 pm GMT every Wednesday night!
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