But let us stop him there, for we are going to take a giant u-turn, or have Mitt take one, a u-turn to a place called 'The Political Twilight Zone' and to what could have been
As Mitt looks out at the adoring crowd (or actually, some are rather unhappy with him) he is hit by an epiphany - like a sudden realization or insight - and begins to see things in a new, exciting light. Suddenly he can feel, really feel, how much he loves his country. Not only that but for the first time he recognizes that he's not a tool of the establishment but a free man who cares for all Americans, including the 47 percent, including gays, poor people, women, even that whinny, smarmy Glenn Beck.
Tears well up in his eyes as he continues looking out at his supporters and others who, behind his back, were unhappy he'd won the party's nomination. Now, with great clarity, Mitt can see that many of them are, he can't quite put it into words...mentally unwell? He sees them now as zealots who let their anger run away with them and realizes that he has made their condition worse and he wants to help. In his last act as their leader he wants to leave them, as Wayne Dyer, Dr. Oz or Oprah Winfrey would council him to, with the truth. He hopes that somehow it will set them free.
Wiping a tear, he decides to abandon the script and gazing at the adoring bigots, religious fanatics and ruthless business leaders, clears his throat and opens his gap:
"Thank-you. I am truly so grateful for your support. Thank-you to my lovely wife Anne, my family and campaign team, even the ones who touted me on making those lame foreign policy gaffes while I was overseas. Thank-you to Paul Ryan, though not for Paul's draconian budget ideas, ideas that would have brought harm to Americans, but his hard work. I know, I know, it's surprising to hear me say that about Paul's budget, but hear me out.
"Tonight I've decided to give you, and our country, a gift from the depths of my soul which I did not give you during this election now lost:
the gift of the truth. Not the kind of truth Karl Rove or Donald Rumsfeld pedal, but the real truth. For during this campaign I did not fight honorably but instead did anything that I could to win, including covering up past acts, stretching the truth and outright lying. That's what the business world taught me. Or what I chose to learn from it.
"I'll start here: I ran the Atlanta Olympics with money I petitioned from the government, claiming I did it with private sector funds. I in essence sucked up to every agency
that I could and even got a million bucks from the Ministry of Education. I claimed that I got private investments to gain votes and make it seem I ran the Olympics by the dictates of GOP philosophy. That 'philosophy' would never have worked and the truth is without government help, those Games would have been a disaster.
I profited from 9/11 by investing
in Endurance Specialty Holdings, and I told my staff to deny I knew and refuse to comment further. It was a reinsurance start-up company created to take advantage of 9/11 by buying cheaply from insurance companies facing billions in claims after the attacks, then selling at a profit due to the soaring rates forced on those traditional companies. My blind trust was, as I said in the 90's about them, a ruse
. I knew what my money was doing. Investing in that company and then denying I did so was not worthy of a nominee for our country's highest office."
The now-former nominee for president pauses and looks at the stunned, emotionally drained Boston crowd, the only citizens in the entire state of Massachusetts to vote for him. He's tired but knows this downcast group of misguided GOPers, some from an evil and demented group of party members called The Tea Party, must hear it all. That America must hear it all and that for his own good he needs to say it. Looking directly into the cameras now, afraid of what might come out but determined to go on, he again opens his gap:
"I take your silence to indicate you are in disbelief. But believe it. And there's more. To prevent the Democrats from reinstating early voting in Ohio, knowing they use it more than do Republicans, I lied and said they were trying to take the vote
from the military in that state. They were simply trying to get early voting back for everyone after the Republican state government took it away to help our cause nationally. I feared reinstating early voting might lose me Ohio, so I lied.
"Jobs in the auto industry were not outsourced to China, as our ads in the Buckeye state said. I did not stop the ads though I knew they were lies. It was American technology being sold to China, a wonderful thing, not our jobs, and President Obama's bailout, which unhappily I opposed, helped to keep jobs in the U.S. and was the right thing to do.
"I had no intention of working for the 47 percent
of Americans I threw under the bus early on in my campaign. I could not then see how deserving they are. Some may need a leg-up now and again, and we should be there for them when they do, but overall Americans are hard workers who know how to get a job done. Every American deserves a job, affordable education for their kids and affordable healthcare. Denying those things is a way of keeping more of the resources under the control of the 1 percent and I fought to keep it that way by hiding it and for that I apologize.
"Now before I congratulate President Obama for his win tonight I must confess one more thing to you:
I kept my taxes hidden because they show I secreted money off-shore, millions, to avoid being taxed on it. They also show that while running the Olympics I continued making decisions at Bain Capital and was aware, and was part of planning, the outsourcing of jobs to other countries. I did it to make more money. I thought that was the American way. It is not.
"The American way is to work hard and profit, yes, but not at the expense of others. We none of us need the kind of money I accumulated in my business life and doing so by cheating and taking advantage of loopholes and governments that favor the rich makes much of it ill-gotten goods. I intend to have my accountants look back at money I've saved by avoiding taxes and I will give that money back to the government.
"Okay, go ahead, boo all you like, get it out of your system. Feel better? Listen. It is time for those like me to recognize that we can become part of the solution while still earning a healthy, fair amount. Our country, our planet has limited resources to offer up and there's no need for greed. After all, there's much more to be gained by contributing to the whole than by feeding only the individual. I think in your hearts you know that.
"That's enough, for now. I shall end by congratulating President Obama and pledging to help him move forward by working to ensure that business takes into account the business of the people first and by helping us maintain a healthy capitalism while curbing its excesses and making certain that no one can use tax loopholes to avoid taxes again and that the people always come first. I shall be ready if the president calls upon me to help move our country forward.
"Thank you and God Bless America and Americans, all
With dignity, Mitt walks from the stage. There is silence. A cameraman removes his jacket and reveals an 'Obama for President' button on his shirt; he starts to clap and soon the entire room claps. Or the entire room save for the loopiest of the GOP in attendance, like Newt Gingrich, Donald Trump, Michele Bachman, Ted 'Cat Scratch Fever' Nugent, Sean Hannity, Sarah Palin, Herman Cain, Reince Preibus, Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Meatloaf, Karl Rove, all the creeps who said they'd fire staff if Obama won, Todd Akin, Allen West, Mike Pence, Mike Huckabee, Deb Fischer, Matt Davis, Antonin Scalia, Dana Loesch, Tim Thomas, Chuck Norris, Rick Santorum, John Boehner, Tea Party chair man Clint Eastwood and....
...and so it is that in our version of that historic night Mitt Romney left the building not a loser but a fuller, better and more generous and honest man, a true winner. Meanwhile, the GOP, hit by a Katrina-like storm, was left with work to do in order to once again become an honorable party that puts country before ideology. The stage was finally set for America to fully recover with two functional, relatively sane political parties leading the way.
Time will tell if that will actually occur but in our vision it does and in our vision everyone, even the Tea Party, becomes a part of the solution (though with them we're still not sure how).
Best of luck to you, America.