Conservative pundits-- cut from the finest moral fiber with American-made scissors-- are up in arms over an Obama campaign web ad starring Lena Dunham in which she compares voting for the first time to losing her virginity.
Dunham, creator of the popular HBO show "Girls," positively drips with erotic innuendo as she explains why she voted for President Barack Obama.
"Your first time shouldn't be with just anybody. You want to do it with a great guy," Dunham advises young women about to cast their first ballots. "It should be with... someone who really cares about and understands women. A guy who cares whether you get health insurance, and specifically whether you get birth control."
"You want to do it with a guy who brought the troops out of Iraq," she continues.
"You don't want a guy who says, 'Oh, hey, I'm at the library studying' when really he's out not signing the Lilly Ledbetter Act, or who thinks that gay people should never have beautiful, complicated weddings of the kind we see on Bravo and TLC all the time."
"My first time voting was amazing... Before I was a girl, now I was a woman," Dunham concludes. I went to the polling station, I pulled back the curtain, I voted for Barack Obama."
Dunham later tweeted "My first time was with @BarackObama-- I highly recommend you do the same."
Conservatives, naturally, were incensed. And Fox News, naturally, led the chorus of self-righteous indignation.
"I think it crosses a line," Fox blowhard Sean Hannity, who called the ad "a new low," fumed. "Who would you wanna do it with?"
"It's the political equivalent of a booty call," Greg Gutfeld, the diminutive co-host of Fox's "The Five," opined. "Three A.M. in his campaign, and this is who he dials."
Rush Limbaugh spewed forth his usual blubbering prattle, as did that bulwark of forward thinking, Breitbart.com, whose editor-at-large John Nolte demonstrated that he's not below flirting with sexually-charged double entendre himself:
"How could a president with two young, blossoming daughters release an ad as disgusting as this?" Nolte tweeted.
Interestingly, most of the ad's critics were men, although fit-faced (as in paroxysm, not pretty) Fox contributor and torture cheerleader Michelle Malkin voiced her displeasure by feigning boredom.
What most interesting of all about conservative outrage over "Your First Time" is that as MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell pointed out yesterday, this isn't the first time such language has been used by a presidential candidate to woo voters. And no, I'm not talking about Vladimir Putin.
The year was 1980. A staunchly Democratic Hollywood actor turned Republican presidential candidate named Ronald Reagan, just days before his election, made a last-ditch appeal to blue-collar workers-- the vaunted "Reagan Democrats" who were instrumental in propelling him to the White House-- in which he resorted to some pretty risqué double (or triple, if you consider the homoerotic possibilities) entendre of his own. As the Washington Post reported back then, Reagan said:
"I know what it's like to pull the Republican lever for the first time, because I used to be a Democrat myself, and I can tell you it only hurts for a minute and then it feels just great."
An Obama-supporting guest on Sean Hannity's show-- something harder to find than tits on a catfish-- alluded to the fact that Reagan had popped the "first time" cherry 32 years ago. Hannity did everything short of call her a liar. And in case you, dear conservative reader, don't believe Mr. Morality would ever utter such fetid 'filth,' see for yourself-- Reagan's remarks can be seen at the 4:45 mark in this video.
Some friendly advice: Conservatives, if you're gonna rage, rage against the truly outrageous. Like Republican Senate candidates who claim God wants women to get pregnant from rape. Mitt Romney still hasn't distanced himself from, or even said he disagrees with, Richard Mourdock for that shocker.
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