A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in Emmerdale, the popular British Soap Opera.
For episodes broadcast in the UK 17th-21st September 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Rachel upset Jai's plans; Paddy & Rhona's plans have been turned upside down; Nikhil's 'baby's' upset Gennie, & Carl's upsetting everyone.
You don't expect to hear the word 'bitch' at 7.00 on a Tuesday night (except when Paddy's examining a lady-dog), but when Marlon found out that Rhona had gone down under with Leo, nothing less would have done. Paddy had to go to Court and Marlon wanted to go too – so that he could tell the judge "What an underhanded excuse for a child-abducting vet" he was.
Paddy got Community Service and Skyped Rhona to tell her she had to come home. Game, set and match.
"What did she say?" Marlon asked Paddy later.
"D'y'know something? She was absolutely delighted, and she can't wait to come home and see all her old friends," Paddy replied through gritted teeth!
Bad day for Rodders
Rodney was amazed to be told that an angry mum had reported him for apparently driving too fast past the school.
"She was nice; she waved at me," he smiled as he recalled the incident.
"Did you count how many fingers?" Charity asked him, and Rodney probably felt like sticking two fingers up at Carl as he promptly sacked him for it.
"You're loathsome," Rodders hissed.
"You're leaving. Get out," Carl responded heartlessly.
No point appealing to his better nature Cameron: he hasn't got one!
Ooh, that Carl. He's turning into a right 'Mr Nasty'. Cameron's on his guard, and Carl's savouring every second as he digs and jibes at him in Chas's absence and threatens to tell Debbie about their affair.
"Do you think she deserves what you're planning to do?" Cameron beseeched him – trying to appeal to his better nature.
"Do you think she deserves what you've already done, eh?" Carl shot back.
Oh, he' s definitely enjoying every single moment of this, isn't he?
Poor old Nikhil got it wrong … again.
"Let us know if you want a quote for a doghouse," Zak quipped as he left after baby-proofing the house for him.
Baby Henry (or Emily – as the subtitles renamed her at one point!) has to be one of Soap's Highlights of the Year, and I don't know how Gennie and Nikhil managed to keep their faces straight (they probably didn't!).
Gennie found a good way of disguising it here, but she's more likely to be seen with a look of complete and utter disbelief or exasperation on her face as Nikhil either misreads a situation or embarrasses the hell out of her with yet-another of his (stupid) ideas!
Wonderful, wonderful comedy. It's a joy to watch, and I've been urging everyone on my radio shows this week to start watching NOW (if they're not watching it already), as it's just getting better and better as every week goes by.
I'm still shaking my head in incredulity that EastEnders won 'Best Soap' at the TV Choice Awards last week – as Emmerdale truly knocks the spots off it – but not everybody actually gets what they deserve in life, do they?
Be careful what you wish for
Val reckoned that Kerry deserved everything she had coming to her, but soon changed her tune when it actually DID! Amy told Eric that her mum was "Just a tragic slapper with no home, no life and no future" (sounds a bit like me). That set Kerry off and she had a fit, but (luckily) they managed to stabilise her and she's now turned a corner.
I'm loving Kerry and am really interested as to where the writers will take the character from here. Will this leopard change its spots or quickly forget how close she came to the end once she's up and about again?
Womb with a view
Maybe she can take Rachel's cleaning jobs on when she stops work? Boy, HOW nice is that house? I know I'm way too old, but if Jai needs 'an heir and a spare' then hey, I'll have IVF. I'm prepared to ruin my figure (!) for him; it'd be worth it for a place like that!
Rachel only spent two nights at the flat in Leeds. Those creaky doors would have finished me off after one, but she did right to put her foot down with Jai. It's all been on HIS terms up till now, but it's going to make it impossible for him to keep it a secret now, isn't it?
Why did Rachel tell him that it would give him time to 'sort it' with Charity though? Did she mean for him to tell Charity that he's the father? I thought Jai had pretty-much told Rachel he wasn't going to tell Charity as he didn't want to lose her?
I'm confused. This is why I can't watch cop shows. I can't even keep up with this, so I've got NO chance of following anything harder – although I DID spot that Rachel and her cleaner were dressed the same.
Dangly earrings, denim and a hoodie aren't actually 'compulsory' cleaner attire. I was forced into a life of domestic service way back in 1994 but have still never owned a denim waistcoat, and have never done what that woman did either: say she's going to 'get on with the cleaning' and then just leave!
Er, it's your own fault, Deccers!
Megan's planning on leaving with Robbie. They've bonded, and are now united against Declan and Katie. "Even you have to admit he's come between us," Deccers asked her. Er, it was YOU who brought him to the house in the first place mate, so there's no point in complaining now, is there?
I'm not sure that Robbie actually 'came between' them either. They've done nothing but bicker and snipe at each other from the moment The Smile arrived, so he's hardly broken up a close family, has he? OMG. I'm defending Robbie. I told you that smile he gave me had changed my opinion of him!
As for Pointless Priya: quite a few people have told me they miss me calling her that. I'm torn …
Gone mental? Bit late for that, Sam
Priya was upset when her car got scratched. (So was I when mine did this week. See 'This week's complete blog' if you're curious as to why!)
"Did you find out who scratched your car? It were a right mess," Sam laughed.
"Yeah, thanks Sam. I feel loads better now," she replied, bemused.
"I would have gone mental," Sam continued in his own 'Sam' way.
" … Thank you. Bye, Sam," David told him – giving him rather a 'sideways' look!
We had a bit of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background as the words 'Sleeps alone' played quietly behind a shot of Rachel lying in her lonely bed in Leeds, and 'I need your love' as Megan and Robbie talked about leaving the village – together. A comedy feast for the eyes this week with the 'Henry' storyline, and here's my Grins of the Week:
Charity: "Do we employ imbeciles?"
Carl (looking at Jimmy): "Why, is somebody looking for a job, because we've already filled our quota."
Nikhil: "You've got to cancel that meeting. I've got to look after Henry."
Jai: "What? Henry who isn't even alive?"
Declan: "The VIP tent is all set up."
Megan: "Aah. Is that your own special one – just for you?"
Lizzy (to Gennie): "Your plastic baby's crying."
Sam: "I were bathing Samson. We'd had the school on – saying he stunk of dog."
Charity (to Jai): "You're getting as bad as Nikhil. You two been vaccinated against jokes or something?"
Kerry (as Sarah drew a picture of her): "Make sure you make me look dead lovely, cos I won't be happy if I'm minging."
Vic (babysitting Henry the dolly): "I'll do you a discount for the fact that he's not actually real."
* How did Misery Ali get to Rachel's front door at the flat without being buzzed-in first?
* Has Sam got a bit of a shine for Rachel?
* Why does everyone in a Soap who ends up in hospital get a room to themselves?
* Why did Jacob have a half day off school? He's only been back a week!
* Andy's face when Kerry suggested they 'go steady' was a picture!
* Megan told Deccers she'd deleted Carl's number so he couldn't contact her. Does that actually stop someone sending you a text, then?
* Rhona told Paddy Leo loved it in New Zealand. How did she know that then? Did he open his mouth and say, "Ooh, I love it here, mummy"?