A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in EastEnders, the popular British Soap Opera.
This post looks at episodes broadcast in the UK 3rd-7th September 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Hair we go again. Shirley ain't got nits; the Vic HAS got nits and I'm doing a bit of nit-picking.
Sorry to nit-pick, but if the Vic's suddenly infested with bed bugs then why was it necessary for them all to move out but okay for Alfie to stay?
It's another one of EastEnders' 'We haven't quite thought this through but nobody will notice' story lines. As I keep saying: we know it's not real (and we can accept a bit of 'artistic license'), but I really do feel as if many (in fact, most) of the story lines these days are becoming increasingly far-fetched and lacking in any sort of credibility (ooh, there's that word … again).
Last week we had Anthony suddenly leave after a poker game, and this week (after one phone call – and after she surely should have already been back at school with the rest of the Square's kids?), Kat told Aflie that Shenice wasn't coming back. Neither of them seemed much bothered, and with all that's about to happen it would just make things 'awkward' for the storyline to have her there I guess, so she's very conveniently gone.
'I hate you … come & live with me.'
We also had Carly turn up, and within the space of twenty minutes go from hating her mother's guts to convincing her to go and live with them. Oh, come on. HOW far-fetched? As Shirley's parting words to Phil were an ominous 'I'll be back' threat, I'm guessing she's simply another one going off for one a little 'break', but surely they could have had a more realistic departure for her than that?
"You've got to find something to live for," Phil told her.
"I used to have something to live for. You, Hev, Ben, Jay. One of them's dead, one of them killed her … and the other two covered it up and lied to me, so having something to 'live for', you know, I don't think it's really my thing," she replied flatly.
When you put it like that, she's got a point, hasn't she? Shirley's played her part really well, but I hope that when she returns she doesn't get back together with Phil. She should have more respect for herself. He doesn't love her: not proper love. He loved Sharon more than he's ever loved Shirl, unfortunately for her.
Hair-brained mother alert
Why is Sharon such a weird mother? I know she wraps Cousin ITT in cotton wool because she's scared that he'll die, but it can't be good for the lad. It's not surprising he gets bullied at school though; it's a wonder she doesn't put ribbons in that mane of hair. Poor lad. Someone should 'ave a word with her. Come on CC; as the Square's matriarch, that's your job.
I gather we're going to find out the identity of Kat's lover (finally) this week. About time too. The field's been narrowed down, and as it's confirmed as being one of the Branning brothers I've got a one in three chance of it being the one I'm hoping for. If it does prove to be *****, as long as they write it well (and split Kat and Alfie up for good), then it could be a peach of a storyline.
"You never could resist a blond," Michael remarked to Jack about his crush on Sharon.
"They ain't all blonds, mate," he muttered. Ooh, a big red herring? I reckon so. Why would he be after Sharon if he was in love with Kat? ('I love you' the lipstick toilet roll message said … )
Money can't buy you love
OK, it's definitely not Michael, but he's up to something and it's really unsettling Janine. All the money in the world can't make you happy, but at the rate Michael's going through it she'll end up in the same boat as Roxy if she's not careful. It's not really a 'present' if someone buys you a 20 grand car with your OWN money, is it?
Sharon gets a Good Drinking from a Mug Award, and we've even got a couple of Grins of the Week!
Shirley: "I ain't got bugs."
Jean: "To be fair, she hasn't got a bed."
Kim: "Does this wallpaper say 'dosshouse' to you?" (Yes, Kim!)
Lucy: "Get out."
Shirley: "Get off your cloud Heidi."
Shirley (drunk in the caff): "Can I see your wine list please?"
* How did Kat know what size shoes to buy Shenice? Kids' feet are constantly growing. Surely she'd have needed to be measured?
* Why was Masood on gate duty outside the school on what was supposedly his first day? Surely he'd have been shadowing someone or being 'inducted' or something? (Technically, he should have actually been there a few days before the start of term to get ready for the pupils coming back – like in a real school – shouldn't he?)