Life at ShadeyHill Ranch is not for the easily disturbed. Weird and evil things can happen when boredom pays a call. Lately, The Bruja and I have amused ourselves by turning on Tiki lounge music while playing a game she made up.
Tiki music is not for everyone, although I cannot imagine why not. It is a fusion of jazz, exotica, Polynesian, Asian, Latin, and creepy bachelor pad music. Les Baxter , Martin Denny, The Martini Kings . Oh, yeah.
Not many things set my hair on fire, but moonbats and wingnuts are guaranteed to make me curse and howl at the moon. So does cat azz. The Bruja, being a bruja, has two black familiars that seem to be in every room at the ranch at the same time. Their favorite spots are the bed pillows, probably because they know my dislike for cat azz anywhere near where I put my face.
The Bruja has taken advantage of my dislike for all things cat azz by inventing a little game she calls “Cat Azz at the Movies.” The rules are simple: Take a film title, insert the words Cat Azz, and if someone likes it, you get a reward. Some people would think a tequila shot would be a good reward and an incentive to be creative. Here at the ranch, we do Maalox body shots because we know how to have a good time.
Clint Eastwood showing up at the Republican National Convention acting like weird Uncle Drosselmeyer with his evil little nutcracker, or a bad version Dirty-mouth Harry, inspired such wonderful titles as Cat-Azz Cowboys, Two Cat Azzes for Sister Sarah, The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly Cat Azz, A Fist Full of Cat Azz, and my favorite, Dirty Harry Cat Azz.
When one of the cable channels ran a James Bond marathon, it opened the door for Dr. Cat Azz, Gold Cat Azz, From Cat Azz with Love, For Your Cat Azz Only, The Cat Azz Who Loved Me, Cat Azz Royale, and, of course, On Her Majesty’s Secret Cat Azz.
I had the good fortune to work with a couple of giants in American theatre, Edward Albee and Sidney Berger. Because of them, I contributed Who’s Afraid of Virginia Cat Azz and the soon-to-be cult classic Carnival of Cat Azz.
Zombie are bigger today than they have ever been, which makes me think someone is going to make Dawn of the Living Cat Azz. It’s a natural.
Star Trek fans will appreciate Star Trek: The Wrath of Khat Azz.
And nothing says classic Southern drama like The Long, Hot Cat Azz, A Streetcar Named Cat Azz, and Cat Azz on a Hot Tin Roof.
The kids will enjoy Cat Azz ‘n Boots, Finding Cat Azz, The Cat Azz King, and The Wizard of Cat Azz (or was that The Cat Azz of Oz?).
I see where the Democrats have gone all in, throwing all caution to the political wind, by scheduling former president Bill Clinton to speak at their national convention this week. I mean, seriously, how can one resist All the President’s Cat Azz or, well, you know.
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