A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in EastEnders, the popular British Soap Opera.
This post looks at episodes broadcast in the UK 27th-31st August 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Hair flying everywhere at Tanya's, a hair-raising fight at the Vic (not), and who's been at the hair dye?
How does the Vic manage to keep going? If he's not giving away free drinks (and pies this week), Alfie's giving jobs to half the Square (who then proceed to drink the bar dry). What with that and the cost of Kat's hair dye and lippie, it's a wonder they're still trading.
Carry on Flirting
We were back to the tedious scenes of Kat eyeballing her secret lover this week, but after a fight worthy of a Carry On film (that was so staged I half expected Batman-style captions and Barbara Windsor to pop up – or out!), we saw her gently tending his injured hand.
That was a smooth, hair-free but ham-sized fist. I'm certain I recognised it, which confirms to me that it's *****. Ooh, I can't say, but will it be who I want it to be? I'm certainly wishing and hoping for it.
I got my other wish this week, as my lover-ly AJ's come back. Aah, he's so sweet and so lovely and – as I'd hoped – we also got to see Mrs AJ this week too. There'll be more to THIS one than meets the eye, I suspect (this IS a Soap, after all). It's just lucky that Kat's already having an affair or she'd be getting her claws into him by now (if she had any sense).
Warring women. Hair-raising stuff
Sharon and Tanya's rivalry cranked up a notch this week and they ended up having a ferocious Wii boxing match while their children sat quietly colouring in the kitchen.
It seems they're not going to end up being long-lost sisters, but I thought there looked to be a real resemblance between Tanya and Sharon's boy Denny/Cousin ITT …
Talking of overflowing locks: Ian finally got a haircut. The cut on his cheek suddenly disappeared too (!), and someone else with surprising hair this week was Abi. Crikey, that's well-blond. Too blond. CC: 'ave a word.
Anthony did a disappearing act on Thursday after his impromptu game of cards with Derek. Talk about a far-fetched storyline. It was another one of EastEnders' 'Oh, someone's leaving this week and we'd forgotten. Quick; how can we write them out in one episode?' moments. Just plain daft …
We had a good bit of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background as Kat opened her perfume to the strains of Percy Sledge's 'When a man loves a woman', and I'm sorry (and surprised) to say that the lovely Tanya gets a Bad Drinking from a Mug Award this week.
No Grins of the Week (again), but there was a line which was meant to be funny but wasn't:
Poppy: "My Auntie married my Uncle cos he made her tummy go funny. Turns out she had gastroenteritis."
If you think that one through, it doesn't really make sense. Tummy bugs only last a few days. Did she meet him and marry him within a week? No wonder Lauren looked bemused.
* What on earth did Shirley honk up onto Kat's shoes? It looked like maple syrup, and there wasn't even a trace of carrot or tomato in it!
* Abi's skin looked the same colour as Shirley's 'deposit'. What colour IS that?
* Kat. Don't stuff your mobile down your bra, girl. It's not recommended.
* Sharon kissed Ian's beanie hat. Is she mad?
* Syed had 13 Grand's worth of cleaning stuff. 13 GRAND? What on earth is Janine going to do with that? It'd take an army of cleaners an age to go through that much stock, but she's only got Lola and Jean cleaning a handful of 'Butcher's Joints'.
* Abi got an earlier flight? Yeah, flights from Costa Rica go once an hour don't they, and doesn't it cost money to change flights? How did she afford that then, and why would she even need to get home a mere two hours earlier than expected after all that time away?