I’ve mixed with Canadians for a while. I’ve learned that people who sneak up on trees and stick taps in them are capable of anything. This one, however, takes the pancake- 10 million pounds of maple syrup swiped from Quebec.
The Toronto Star reports:
The heist was discovered during a routine inventory check at the St-Louis-de-Blandford warehouse, the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers’ temporary storage facility for 10 million pounds of Canada’s sweetest export.
Worth $30 million, there was enough maple syrup in the warehouse to fill one and a half Olympic-sized swimming pools, or about 3.75 million litres, federation director Anne-Marie Granger Godbout said.
“Honestly! They can take Quebec, but they need to leave our Maple Syrup!” said a Canadian I know who drinks whole bottles of the stuff.
Even the Star refers to maple syrup in the context of swimming pools. This is obviously part of the Canadian psyche, a Utopian dream of limitless maple syrup.
There is a very real possibility that the heist was for personal use. 10 million pounds would be enough for one person if they were careful and didn’t go nuts with their normal usage.
The Quebec storage facility is part of the “national reserve”. Other nations store nuclear weapons and other trivial things.
The “reserve” idea is obviously part of some wider Canadian plot for world domination. Few other nations would consider attacking others with maple syrup. Even the Americans would stop short of this terrible sort of thinking.
Australia, which produces gigatons of Golden Syrup, (sugar cane syrup) is probably the only other country on Earth capable of a massive sugar strike on the world. It’s just that unlike the Canadians, we’re much too nice (and lazy) to do such things.
Anyway, we need our syrup for our ANZAC biscuits…
Police are probably looking for a very sticky individual, slightly obsessive, with a potential hernia.
Canadians with withdrawal symptoms are advised to seek advice from local grocers.
Black market suppliers are advised that Christmas has come early. Now they can buy the rest of North America.
Canadians generally are advised….Ah, forget it! You can’t change them!
Update: I've just had it pointed out to me that the Farmers Market in Toronto will need added security. NATO will be on standby.
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