This week, our local newspaper published an editorial
by Larry Wilson of The Hungry Horse News
In it, Wilson was analyzing a letter from a Californian lady published in the Montecito Journal
, who gave a list of reasons for why she had decided to move to Montana.
"Everybody hates Republicans" she said, and "Everybody hates Democrats." State Troopers only give warnings and not tickets. There are "No design reviews or building codes," and no rules or laws. This means, she added, that "dead sexual predators" are found in "dumpsters" and we "don’t look for the perpetrators."
Now I'm sure the Montana Tourist Board will snap up this great advertisement of our fine state and use it in their next campaign. But alas, of the ten reasons that the lady gave, only one of them was true, Montana does not have a sales tax.
Wilson (quite rightly), dismisses the woman's misguided perceptions of the state as way off kilter. Even I know that Montana Highway Patrol issues tickets, just ask all those speedy drivers from British Columbia, Canada, that receive them regularly at the federal level.
As for bodies in dumpsters, well we do have dumpster divers who frequently like to shop, but they usually emerge very much alive, goods in hand.
Still, I was rather concerned that this poor California woman's dreams were about to become severely bashed and disillusioned. But after reading the Police Blotter this week, psychologically at least, we might just have a place for her.
In incidents reported this past week, said the Hungry Horse
Police Blotter, "Deputies responded to a fenced-in area on U.S. 2 East in Coram, where people were howling at the moon most of the night, long after the nearby bar had closed."
This of course occurred after police officers were forced to respond to a "report of a 79-year-old woman" in Columbia Falls "hitting her husband over the head with a cane."
Back on Aug 7, according to The Daily Inter Lake
, Kalispell Police received a report of a man wearing a hospital robe and sitting in a wheelchair on Clare-mont Street. Although the man appeared to be wearing a hospital wristband, the "hospital wouldn’t claim him, so he was taken for a mental health evaluation" instead.
I feel so mean having to rain on anyone's parade, but sometimes being cruel to be kind is the best philosophy. And so lady, while you will be arrested if you commit murder, and our tax rates rank Montana 15th highest among states levying an individual income tax, please feel free to come on over. It might not be "quite" what you expected, but the local critters are colorful and the water is superb this time of year.