Just when you think it's gotten about as weird as it's going to get, presumptive GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney finds a way to make the narrative even stranger.
Like today, as he told a story at a fundraiser in Chicago, which was filled with executives from the restaurant industry.
According to the pool reporter, Romney talked about stealing his father's free hamburger card.
I am not making this up. This is the pool reporter's account (with our comments in parentheses).“You know how boys liked to go through their dad’s top drawer, just to sort of see what he has in there, maybe find an old coin he might not miss?” Romney asked. He said he went through his father’s drawer one day when he was in his teens or early 20s.
(When we were in OUR teens, we weren't looking for coins. We were checking out the old man's porn stash. Were you really looking for coins, Mitt, or did your dad also get regular mailings from some 8mm film place with a Culver City, California, address? But we digress.)
“I found a little paper card, a little pink card, and it said this entitles George W. Romney to a lifetime of a hamburger, a shake and French fries at McDonald’s,” Romney said. “It was signed by the hand of Ray Kroc. My dad had done a little training lesson or whatever for McDonald’s when there was just a handful of restaurants and I saw this thing and was like, ‘This is a gold mine, dad! What are you doing?’”
(Did you actually SAY that to your dad? Or is this just a rambling story with no purpose? Because it is starting to sound like you are lauding the idea of getting something for nothing, which is a decidedly UN-Mormon position!)
“So I had it laminated,” Romney continued.
(You stole your father's free hamburger card? Did you declare it on your taxes? Or is that another secret that you will take to your grave?)
“My dad, as you know, would go almost every day to a McDonald’s restaurant and get either a hamburger or a fish filet sandwich.
(No, Mitt. We didn't know. We thought you and your dad were wealthy. And here you are, copping free burgers?)
And he would present this little card and of course the person behind the counter would look and say, well, what is that? They’d never seen something like that, but he said it was never turned down. They always honored it.”
(They might have been frightened by an old man waving a pink card around yelling, "Free burger! I got me a free damn burger comin', dammit!)
The pool report doesn't go on to say whether Mitt's story was greeted with laughter or nervous throat-clearing and coughing.
So, weird story. But the larger issue... it was OK for your old man, who was a millionaire by the time you found this thing, to wave a card and get free stuff, but you want to turn Medicare into a voucher program, increase taxes on the poor, make them work like rented mules for every red cent the government gives them while giving your rich buddies even more tax breaks.
Your old man the millionaire governor of Michigan, head of General Motors and presidential candidate gets free hamburgers, and grandma will have to dip into her medicine and utility budget to pay for her weekly can of cat food. And her cat has been dead for a year.
Oh, Mitt. How you do go on!
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