A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in EastEnders, the popular British Soap Opera.
This post looks at episodes broadcast in the UK 25th-29th June 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Money can't buy you happiness …
As David Beckham found out this week: all the money in the world can't always get you what you want, and all Janine's millions (is it millions; how much was it exactly?) can't make baby Scarlett … no, baby Patricia better.
I don't know what's going to happen, but – storyline-wise – it would surely be better for the baby not to survive, as (like Corrie's Carla), Janine's character just wouldn't be the same with a baby in tow.
Will the punishment fit the crime?
Whatever happens down the line, there have been a lot of moving scenes this week, and Janine's been marvellous as her vulnerability and helplessness have come to the fore. Michael's such an enigma that I'm still not sure whether he's faking it, but he does at least seem to be willing his baby daughter to survive.
"Do you think we're being punished?" Janine asked Michael miserably. I should say so love, although if everyone who did something wrong actually got their comeuppance it would probably make most people think twice, and the world would be a lot better place for it!
I guess the death of her baby would be just about as bad a punishment as there could be for Janine (other than losing all her money), but as she reminded Ricky that she used to rip the heads off her dolls when she was a little girl (and we've seen her do a whole lot worse than that!), I think that only both of those eventualities could probably settle that account.
Oh look. It's Saint Michael
And as for Michael … he's been the devil incarnate, but suddenly Jean's gone and told the whole Square that it was her mistake (and not him conning her out of eighteen grand), so now he's suddenly Mister Nice Guy and that's that all tidied up neatly and gone away. I've got just one word to say: credibility?
While I'm on the subject, let's talk about Lola's lump shall we? "This one – this one is going to be big and healthy and strong," Billy pronouned this week. You're avin a larf ain't ya, mate?
Lola's been pregnant for an eternity but has had a flatter stomach than me for the entire time – except for Friday's final scene when she got arrested (cue 'Will pregnant teenager have baby taken into care? storyline) and somebody had obviously remembered there was meant to be a cushion up her jumper.
Pffft. At least we had a bit of Kim this week. "OMG. I love your hairband. You are so lucky to be dressed by the gays," she gushed to baby Yasmin. Now, there's a character who should find out she's having a baby. Comedy gold for the writers and for us viewers too. It would certainly help take our minds off Derek and all this turgid bullying stuff.
At least Joey got some money off him to give to Lucy … her money! Wouldn't it be nice if they got together (as long as Joey is a actually a nice guy and doesn't turn out to be a baddie like his dad).
Lucy's a funny character isn't she? One minute she's a little witch, but the next minute you could feel quite sorry for her. She wants to make sure she's eating properly though – with all this work she's doing. She looks as if she's about to fade away. Bring back Peter!
Not a lot of anything this week. A Good Acting from a Bit-Part Actor Award goes to the young nurse in pink who was looking after Janine and the baby. (Nurses need the patience of a saint sometimes, and she certainly needed it when Janine was demanding to have the baby taken to a Private hospital.)
Apart from Diane tricking Zainab into being nice to the customers (which gave us a chance to see plenty of brilliant Zee-gurns), and Kim (whose expressions have me laughing out loud – even when she's not speaking!), there was precious-little else to laugh about this week (apart from Lola's lump), and – for the first time ever – there wasn't a single Grin of the Week. That's not good, is it? Please: more humour guys …
PS So why WAS Lola on crutches last week then?
PPS Why has Whitney suddenly gone orange?