A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in EastEnders, the popular British Soap Opera.
This post looks at episodes broadcast in the UK 18th-22nd June 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Something old, something new … something unbelievable, more like. Lola's baby's never coming out; Janine's came out early, and Abi's engagement came and went.
Why's Lola on crutches? The weight of the baby making her legs ache, is it? Seriously, when's this baby due? If Janine's so big and was 29 weeks when her baby was born on Friday, what's Lola going to give birth to: a joey?
Literally NOT intended as a tenuous link, but it seems as good a time as any to mention yet-another Branning family member – Joey – who turned up right on cue last night to stand up to Derek. Someone needs to.
This bullying of Lucy's horiffic. It's starting to really sicken me watching this Jeckyll and Hyde character gaining Bambi Alice's trust while going round bullying half of the rest of the Square and threatening another girl the same age as her.
New talent hits the Square – and Derek.
That's just sick, and it'll be sickening to have to watch him trying to win Joey round and have to endure the whole dreary and predictable storyline this will inevitably be. There's only one saving grace, which is that Joey seems to be a good actor and is certainly pleasing on the eye (better than Tyler and Anthony, who seem to have turned into a pair of wannabe male models more interested in posing and looking pretty in front of the camera than acting). He also gave Derek a thump, so automatically gets a thumbs-up from me.
Anyway, never mind all that: what about that wedding?
Lucky we had those three days of summer, wasn't it? Imagine trying to have filmed that in the rain? Nightmare.
Ricky showed up and had a word of advice for his sister: "Try not to kill this one."
Janine Moon. Blue Moon, more like.
I think if Michael confessed to mass murder, running a brothel and not separating his recycling properly it still wouldn't have mattered to Janine. Even though he confessed to robbing Jean she still married him. How many of you – like me – were waiting for her to go into labour just as she was about to say "I do" though?
I can't believe they actually got married. I hope Janine's got a copy of that prenup or she's stuffed. Michael admitted that he didn't love Janine or care about the baby, but that last scene in the hospital was so moving I'm even having goosebumps coming up as I write this review.
The acting from both of them was completely breathtaking, but what was going through Michael's head? Love? Fear? Guilt? All three I guess, but it completely blew me away. Cry? Don't ask, but what's going to happen next? Can't wait to find out. It was outstanding acting, and completely believable.
Someone 'ave a word wiv Ricky, will ya.
Something unbelievable was Ricky shouting 'Will someone call an ambulance," as Janine collapsed. He always was the broken bulb in the Christmas tree lights, wasn't he? What is this: the 1970s? All he had to do was take his mobile out of his pocket, not wait for someone to run to a phonebox – and do you think nobody would have thought of that for themselves? Come on.
Something else unbelievable was how Max's keys fell onto the floor. Where from? It was – of course – conveniently done so that Jay could 'borrow' a car to whisk Abi away to a new life up the M1. Trouble was, she didn't want to go so he issued her with an ultimatum: 'Costa Rica or me'.
God, tough choice … NOT. If he 'won't allow' her go away for two months to further her career then he clearly doesn't love her and she's well out of it. I know he's got 'stuff' going on, but selfish, or what? So, Abi's gone. That's another one off our screen. Dropping like flies, they are.
Something else unbelievable was Alfie whispering into Michael's ear that he was going to 'finish him'. If he'd whispered that KAT was going to finish him, now that would be believable, but Alfie's about as threatening as a cotton wool ball!
We had a veritable feast of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background this week, the cheesiest of which was Wham's 'Club Tropicana' playing as the Brannings toasted Abi's trip to Costa Rica with fruit juice. "It's tropical, innit?" Tanya explained. Yes, and it's also a fruit juice you buy at the supermarket. How obvious?
That policeman who took Michael in for questioning was rather nice. Some very Good Acting from a Bit-Part Actor there. I'd like to see a lot more of him.
I loved the scene where the Brannings were all joking about Abi becoming a teenage mum. Very funny stuff, as was Janine's hen night – because of Kim. "Don't panic Janice. Kimberley's here to get this party started," she announced.
"Why does she call you Janice?" Diana asked her.
"It's anyone's guess" Janine replied wearily. Great stuff!
Now this is what we need: a bit of humour. Come on writers: make us laugh. I need more than two examples for my Grins of the Week!
Tanya: "Do you remember when you brought Ralph home? I hated that rat."
Abi: "He was a gerbil.
Derek (to Laurel): "You know you get your brains from me, don't you?
Tanya: "Do you have to remind her you're related? You'll give her nightmares."
* Why is Lucy frying chips without wearing a white coat or a hat/hairnet? What about 'Elf & Safety' then?
* Why was Liam 'laid up' in hospital just for a broken arm? Even if it needed ten pins in it, there would still have been time to get to the wedding (which was 2-3 days later), and why couldn't Carol have come? Couldn't they have come up with a more believable excuse than that: food poisioning from McKlucky's pigeon nuggets or something?