A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in Emmerdale, the popular British Soap Opera.
For episodes broadcast in the UK 4th-8th June 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Gennie's got a bun in the oven and Ashley'll be wishing he'd kept a few of those burger buns for himself now that he's kipping in a crypt.
Right. Here's a little brain-teaser for you. Declan gets a text from Robbie. (It said 'Give us a call'.)
"I just wish I knew what it meant," he said to Katie anxiously.
Er, 'Give us a call', perhaps?
This is Soapland though, so subliminally it meant: Right. Time for me to move in and start eyeing all the village totty up (just like Jane said I would)!
Oh, it was only a matter of time, but time stands still for me when this muppet's on. He doesn't even look like Megan, and she's much taller than him. What was his dad: an Oompa Loompah? Was he Scottish too (judging by the kilt)? Ooh, it put me right off my tea – as did watching him leering at Pointless Priya and Katie!
I prefer Megan when she's smiling The Smile rather than hiding behind doors scowling or trying to look interested in Robbie (tough ask of anyone). He's not an engaging character, so can we just fast-forward to the emotional heart-to-heart/bonding episode or (better still), could he simply take her up on her offer of a large cheque and buzz off to drink beer somewhere else, please?
Have you tried the Megan Bank, Ashley?
If Megan's got all this money to throw around, maybe Ashley can go and ask her for a handout? After a lifetime being paid to do his job as a Vicar, how come he's managed to be broke so quickly? Both he and Laurel work, so wouldn't they have had some savings? Just wondered.
Anyone else torn on this one? I want Laurel to be with Marlon, but feel as if it's just too much for Ashley's whole life to falling apart like this 'just' because he hit Sandy. Yes, it was indefensible, but did you think it would come to this? He'll be wishing he'd saved a couple of those burger buns for his tea when he's kipping down in that Crypt!
What about Gennie though? We've got to hang on until Thursday to see whether she's going to get round to telling Nikhil her news. "I want a photo of him sobbing," Chas instructed her.
Oh, he'll be sobbing alright, but in a good or bad way? I'm sure he'll be overwhelmed with joy (once he's got over the shock), and we'll all be Aah-ing and reaching for the tissues when he turns straight into a doting dad-to-be. He'll probably be most relieved not to have her belittling him the whole time!
"I'm really sorry about Nikhil, everyone. He can't actually open his mouth without putting his foot in it," she chastised him in the pub this week.
Poor lad. He hadn't bought Zak a pint because he wasn't sure if he could have one because of his medication. I'd have thought that was being thoughtful/careful, NOT something to be moaned at for!
#PoorJean was trending on Twitter this week (as EastEnders' Michael made her look as if she'd gone crazy). I reckon we could have had #PoorNikhil trending these last few weeks too with the way Gennie's been treating him!
Too Much Information, Love
Chas wanted a photo of Nikhil sobbing. She wanted something else too. "I'm gagging for a bit of 'full-body stimulation', and I don't care whose hands they are," she told Val. Yes, love. We get you …
Ooh, they're playing a dangerous game. Charity did a double-take when Cameron announced that Andy should go to Paris instead of him, and Cain's lie-detector's on amber alert too.
"I love you and trust you and I only want what's best for you and Sarah," he told her humbly.
"Wow. I almost want to marry you!" Cain quipped, but he already suspects that something's afoot. Cameron off to Jersey and Chas off to a Spa? Both at the same time? Instead of holding the fort while Debbie's away? Hmm. Bit of a coincidence that, isn't it? Cracking stuff.
Awards of the Week:
Cain gets a Good Drinking from a Mug Award, Zak's taxi driver gets a Bad Acting from a Bit-Part Actor Award, and the woman who interviewed Ashley at the Jobcentre gets a Good Acting from a Bit-Part Actor Award. She was really believable. Hardly any Jimmy, Nicola or Val, so not a lot for our Grins of the Week:
Declan (to Jai): "At last – somebody I can talk to. Try to look loaded."
Pointless Priya: "You've got to ring mum."
Rishi: "Sorry. She's probably thrown herself under a fast-moving tennis coach by now."
Brenda: "Have you missed us?"
Val: "Give us a bazooka. I wouldn't miss you then."
Pointless Priya: "Where's mum?'
Rishi: "In the past – where she belongs."
Nicola: "What have you done with Jimmy?"
Carl: "We ran out of clay pigeons so Jai's setting up a bigger catapult."
PS Poor Amy too. She's well-and-truly stuck in the middle of Val and Eric's 'domestic'.