A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in Emmerdale, the popular British Soap Opera.
For episodes broadcast in the UK 21st-25th May 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Belle dumps Sean; Val dumps Brenda's knickers before getting dumped herself; Gennie's down in the dumps with Nik (again), & Ali thumps a bully.
I'd wondered who the 'older' woman was in Robbie's place last week, and now we know: his landlord's missus. Oops. It was enough to have his Tenancy terminated – with immediate effect!
"What are you going to do: keep my deposit?" he asked the Landlord.
"After I've evicted you through that window," the guy growled.
Well, no room for confusion there then, and it conveniently moved Robbie a bit nearer to rolling-up at Uncle Delcan's with his bags (like I'd predicted).
He's taking the 'scenic' route, by saying he's going to get a place of his own, but it's only a matter of time, and it'll only be a matter of time before he sets his sights on Katie too (as the first of his potential 'conquests' once he moves in). He was already flirting with her this week, and you know Katie …
Still, that's all to come, but who came back this week? What a return. Nikhil must have beaten his 'personal 'best', legging-it up from the pub to warn them, but it was too late, and Val burst in just as they were about to tuck into Brenda's lunch.
"Must be good n'all: the speed you were running," she quipped to Nikhil as she cast her beady eye over the groaning table. "I had a Full English on the plane. Tasted like a leper's bandage, but it did the trick. I'll just graze," she continued, merrily helping herself to a glass of wine and a handful of food.
Val's so self-centred that she clearly thought she could just walk back in and pick up where she'd left off, but when she found out the truth, was very unhappy that it was Brenda that Eric had been seeing.
"So, if it had been Katie Sugden it'd be alright, would it?" Amy asked her in confusion.
"If it was her, I'd have given him a medal and asked if I could join in," Val replied. Fancy …
Even though he admitted that there was still a spark between them, Eric chose Brenda (to everyone's surprise – not least Brenda's!), but where does this leave Val?
I love Val and Eric's comedy banter/one-liners, but would feel really sorry for Brenda if Eric went behind her back and started seeing Val and got back together with her, but what would happen to Val if they weren't together? Val puts on such a show of being a real hard nut, but she sat there and sobbed when she realised she'd been usurped.
Love for Eric, or loss of her meal-ticket? Time will tell, but she's not a happy bunny right now. I'm hoping Val and Ali might end up having a set-to at some point, as they're a right pair of feisty lasses, and after Ali's decisive victory over the school bully, I'd love to see who came out on top if those two got in a clinch (not the sort Val meant about Katie though, although Ali probably wouldn't object)!
Poor little Belle's also finding out that life's a bit rubbish sometimes, after discovering that Sean had kissed Ruby. She did the right thing and dumped him, with a lovely line: "You couldn't even cheat on me with a 'proper' woman – you had to pick a lesbian."
I'm not sure Lisa's advice might not end up 'turning' Belle too though: "Lads are peculiar love, and the sooner you realise that, the better."
I'll tell you who's peculiar, and that's Nikhil. His hygiene hangups are so funny, and I'm just LOVING Gennie's looks of exasperation and his looks of utter bafflement as to why she's so frustrated with him. He's so serious and 'rigid' – something Pointless Priya reminded him of (in no uncertain terms), when he expressed his disapproval at her going off gallivanting with Charity.
"There's nothing wrong with having fun," she argued
"We have fun," he countered defensively.
"Yeah, right. What? Getting in early and taking the best rubber bands for yourselves: no offence," she quipped.
Nikhil's not very tactful – to say the least, and things have a habit of coming out wrong.
"There's no doubt in my mind that Val's definitely back, and do you know what else is definite?" Brenda sighed.
"Eric's going to dump you and you're going to die alone?" he proffered innocently.
That really didn't help, nor did his suggestion when Val was comparing herself to Brenda: "Steak: burger, caviar … something like caviar, but nowhere near as good."
" … Frogspawn?" he suggested.
Oh, Gennie's face. If looks could kill, Jai would be brotherless by now!
David doesn't do much better. Alicia's all-but thrown herself at him head-first, but he still can't take the hint, and didn't exactly say what she wanted to hear either. "You're drop-dead gorgeous .. to some peoples' tastes."
Maybe she should try the more direct approach – like Chas's "Fancy a dirty bog romp?" to Cameron!
Not a lot of Jimmy, Nicola and the adorable little Elliot this week (have you noticed how he mimics everything she does!), but how cute was it when he asked her sweetly, "Can you read to me?"
"No. I'm busy doing a quiz: How fanciable are you?" she snapped. Right up there for 'Mother of the Year', but she's weakening isn't she?
There were so many wonderful one-liners from Paul Roundell that I could have pretty-much just transcribed both of Thursday's episodes, and it was hard to choose which ones to leave out. Ooh, I love it when we have a great selection for my Grins of the Week:
Gennie (reading Nikhil's expression): "I'd rather be seen dead than eat with you Brenda."
Nikhil: "I didn't say that."
Gennie: "Well, that's how it came out."
Val (to Brenda): "If I have to see a Chiropractor – due to the weight of lugging your underpants down the lane, I'll be sending you the bill."
Lisa: "You're getting to be quite a dab hand at this parenting malarkey, aren't you?"
Ali: "Only parenting he's ever done is being in't same room when the kids were conceived."
Gennie: Here's me going on about her (Amy) causing trouble, and I'm doing it myself."
Brenda: "No you're not."
Gennie: "Give me time."
Sean: "Can I have money an' all?"
Dan: "Do I look minted?"
Sean: "You gave money to her." (Amelia)
Dan: "That's because she's my favourite."
Amy (to Nikhil): "Just a lettuce leaf drizzled with spring water for you then, aye?"
Chas: "You're back? And you came straight here?"
Val: "No. I popped home, took the clothes out, and brought the empty cases back to show you."
Gennie (to Dan): "Most people round here like to do overtime, not undertime."
Ali: "Come on. We're going to miss the bus."
Amelia: "I'm only small."
Ali: "You can soon shift when chocolate gets mentioned."
PS Jai and Rishi both know a fine woman when they see one (Charity)!
PS2 Why did Nikhil give the Factory keys to Ali (the woman who was only a hairs-breadth away from being sacked – again – this week), to lock up?
PS3 Sam asked Zak what he did all day in Hospital. Same as he does the rest of the time: nowt!