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article imageOp-Ed: Is the world running out of morons? Global panic may be only hope

By Paul Wallis     May 26, 2012 in World
Sydney - I regret to inform readers that a possible global shortage of idiots is now a real possibility. Projections and historical precedents indicate that the current glorious levels of incompetence cannot be sustained.
The evidence is uncanny, particularly the historical evidence, which points to a hideous threat of relevant thought taking place in the near future. This of course assumes there will be a future, despite the noble efforts of American finance
Historians (those who can read and write something other than ads for their sponsors) point to the French, Chinese, Russian and American Revolutions. Previously thought to be mere social whims, these are now believed to have been acts of conscious thought by that ill-defined statistical nuisance known as the public.
(Note: The public is still legal in most countries, despite many requests from concerned politicians and financiers. Only America has taken direct action to actually prevent the public, although Europe is now bravely finding ways of dealing with the problem.)
A disturbing trend towards dislike of poverty, even when people don’t have to pay for it, is considered by expert management scientists to be the main cause of the problem. Fortunately, thanks to total illiteracy and a comatose society, a revolution is believed to be unlikely unless a plague of sanity occurs. Sanity, which is said to include a high level of intolerance for incompetence, criminals, useless overpaid animals and related pillars of society, is a truly hideous thing. One shudders to think what might happen if it were to occur on a defenceless world.
Note: Many experts have pointed out in the most patronizing terms that sanity, requiring a working brain, is actually impossible or at least extremely unlikely in humans. So we can be reassured this issue is under control and therefore quite normal.
Ironically, that’s also not the problem that’s causing shortages of idiots in key sectors. It’s over-enthusiasm. The world’s morons have selflessly rushed into media, finance and politics, desperately fighting to achieve the state of global bliss the world currently enjoys. The nearly fanatical zeal which has created this Utopia is now under threat of generational failure. There simply aren’t enough idiots to fill the gaps as the older generations die off.
Experts are now asking who will be able to replace the noble minds which have turned back the tides of health, education and standards of living to the Middle Ages. Who could possibly step into the shoes of the mindless bureaucrats which infest all areas of employment? What new race of saints could achieve such perversions of media and science? Who could claim to inspire the same levels of insanity which now make modern politics so interesting and unpredictable?
The real threat is that if the world runs out of idiots, the world may also run out of bullshit. This huge crash in the staple diets of billions of people could cause a complete collapse of society as we know it. It may even be possible for people to spend whole minutes of their lives without the benefits of compulsory misinformation and related psychoses. Nobody knows what that might cause, but it must be terrible.
The only possible solution is panic. While panicking, there is no threat of sanity, and any source of information can serve to provide the necessary levels of bullshit (and possible bullshit) to sustain life on Earth. Even the much appreciated Web Economy Bullshit Generator needs all the help it can get.
For some relief, I hit the make bullshit button on this kindly site and got the very reassuring phrase “orchestrate bleeding-edge communities” which I hope cheers up readers as much as it did me. I may now be able to sleep tonight, but as you can see, lack of bullshit really is stressful.
This precious resource must be preserved at all costs. Imagine a world without politicians, financiers, corrupt administrators, paedophile religions and criminals. How could life possibly go on?
The public is urged to panic at the slightest opportunity. Panic as though your palaces and your egos depend on it. Panic as if you were never going to hear another political speech or financial report ever again.
This opinion article was written by an independent writer. The opinions and views expressed herein are those of the author and are not necessarily intended to reflect those of
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