A 'sideways' look at the latest goings-on in Coronation Street, the popular British Soap Opera.
For episodes broadcast in the UK 14th-18th May
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Eileen's moving house; Eva's moving out; Kylie's moved back in, & the earth's moved for Karl & Sunita. Yes, it's been another busy week in Corrie!
We've had a lot of goings-on at the Bistro this week. I have no life: I think I'll go there for dinner one night, as I'll be guaranteed to get a bit of entertainment. There's always someone either dancing on the table; having a row or throwing drinks (and that's just the customers!), but as for the staff … well, it's enough to make even Basil Fawlty cringe.
I've never seen anyone so unprofessional behind the bar as Nick. When he's not grimacing as if he's suffering from the effects of a particularly dodgy curry, he's rowing with Eva, Gail or (usually), both at once. It's a wonder he's got any customers, and it's lucky (if that's the right word?), that it was 'only' his Gran that David was abusing when he tried his hand at waiting tables this week.
Although it was all COMPLETELY unbelievable, I did actually laugh out loud at the one-liners (ooh, you know how I love my one-liners!), and David was at his miserable, rattiest best as he launched a tirade of abuse at Audrey and her friend.
"And you know what they say: 'Drink responsibly'," he reminded them as he slammed a jug of water down on the table, then asked disinterestedly, "Do you want any dessert? It's another word for pudding." Great stuff!
Once Norris and Mary found out that Audrey had agreed to judge the Weatherfield in Bloom competition, it only took a moment for them to start planning their charm offensive.
"We're going to have to butter her up," Mary explained. "They're very susceptible to compliments: women of her age."
I'm more interested in Norris's reaction when he thought Dennis was missing. The line, "I Wanna Be With You Everywhere." from Fleetwood Mac's 'Everywhere', was singing-out behind them, and I wonder if he'll ever admit his love for Rita to either himself or her before it's too late?
Lust is in the air again for Sunita and Karl, but I can't understand why she'd book a Bridal Suite for their latest tryst, especially as they were only staying for a few hours. That won't have come cheap, and where's the money coming from, aye?
They'd have been far better using the place Nick took Kylie to, "One of those dodgy ones in town … and you only go there for one thing," Stella told Eva bluntly. Exactly. A bed's a bed – especially if you're not actually sleeping in it!
Eva didn't have much success in trying to find out what Nick had been up to. "Have you got any better ideas?" she asked Stella angrily.
"No. But then I don't have boyfriends who do the dirty on me in Hotel rooms," Stella replied. No, just husbands, love!
Dev and Stella had a heart-to-heart, and he invited her and Karl to dinner on Monday. Ooh, I can't WAIT for that one! I can't wait for Nick to admit to himself that he still loves Leanne too. We had a few hints this week. He's rowing with Eva, and when David asked him about it he immediately changed the subject, so what's coming next?
Will Leanne get custody of Simon and they'll get back together, or will Nick finish with Eva; start paying Leanne attention and make Peter jealous – leading to him deciding he does love her after all (or hitting the bottle and taking it out on Carla)? Who cares; just as long as Carla and Michelle end up together.
Will Eileen and Fireman Paul stay together now? I'd probably find it hard to live in a house knowing that someone had electrocuted themselves in my kitchen, and speaking of that little episode … Soap Police.
A Defective Detective turned up (with a PC who looked as if he'd been eating far too much cheese on toast), and said accusingly, "I just need to understand how Lesley died."
Dur. Now let's have a think. A woman with dementia was alone in a house, put a toaster in water and was instantly electrocuted. She fell to the floor and the toaster (ie, the evidence), fell into the sink.
You'd be hard-pressed to get a more obvious cause of death than that really, wouldn't you? Both Marcus and the paramedics saw she'd been electrocuted, and just how could Eileen or FP have been involved without getting electrocuted themselves? Surely even the stupidest Soap Police person couldn't have missed that vital fact?
Why, oh why, does this happen time after time in Soaps? Lesley's death was a tragic accident; an open and shut case. For Eileen and FP to have been implicated, there needed to be a far less obvious cause of death (i.e. she'd tried to make a sandwich; slipped, stabbed herself and been found lying in a pool of blood, perhaps?).
On a food theme: Sean's a fast worker. He walked into the Rovers, was told to get into the kitchen (presumably the ingredients were there?), and one hour later he'd not only prepped, but cooked and portioned-up 30 portions of hotpot (even though it takes at least a couple of hours for the meat to tenderise), before flouncing straight out and into a new job as 'Hotpot-maker/waiter' at the Bistro.
With speeds like that he'd put McDonald's to shame, and what had he come as this week: a lumberjack in a corset, or SuperGay?
As well as Norris's backing-track, we also had some Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background this week with Adele's "Someone Like You" just happening to be on the radio as Eva sat there gloomily – thinking about Nick; Iggy Pop's "Never Met a Girl Like You Before", as Nick took David to the club to drown his sorrows over Kylie, and The Corrs' "What Can I Do?" playing behind Jason as he had a go at FP over his mam.
(Don't forget: I check all lyrics out thorougly to see if they're relevant. Corrie's getting as good as EastEnders at this lately!)
Apart from David's party piece in the Bistro, we're a bit light on Grins of the Week unfortunately:
Sally: "I might live in Weatherfield Norris, but Cheshire is my spiritual home."
Nick: "Get some decent clothes on – none of your dodgy T-shirts." (Here, here!)
Norris: "We've got an extensive range of confectionery that lends itself to mastication." (Beth's face was a picture!)
PS Have Kevin and Tyrone not heard of Employment Law? Tommy set off for work and told Tina, "If I can nip out during the day I will, if not, I'll see you tonight." Er, what about a lunch break?
PS2 Sean says himself that he's 'No cook'. Shouldn't it have been Tina that Betty entrusted the recipe to?
PS3 All this drug stuff's SO not Corrie, and did you notice that when Rick rang Tommy from his car it was 8.30 at night (according to the Bistro clock in the previous scene), yet he was sat there in (what looked to be), the sort of brilliant sunshine you'd get at around lunchtime on a warm spring day.
PS4 There's a knock at the door. Gail turns and asks David (in apparent astonishment), "Who's that?" If you answer it you might find out love!
PS5 I just spotted this too: Peter leaves Carla? CLICK HERE TO READ