A 'sideways' look at the latest goings-on in Coronation Street, the popular British Soap Opera. For episodes broadcast in the UK 7th-11th May *Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Eileen got a nosebleed; Curse-ty's lucky she didn't get a punch on the nose; Tina got a bleeding head, but Lesley's toast-making tops the list for the the 'Worst Accident of the week' Award.
That Curse-ty's a fast worker. She only got suspended from the Police last week and she's already started work at Underworld. What about her P45?
Her Police training clearly came in useful though, and it didn't take long for her to start dispensing her own special style of people skills to her co-workers, but Beth's not one for being talked down to and set-about giving her a taste of her own medicine.
"I'm making a brew, d'ya want one?" she asked everyone.
"Yes please," Curse-ty replied.
"Make it your flaming self," Beth told her bluntly.
It didn't get any better later, when Curse-ty tried to make amends by offering to do the cake run. "No ta. I wouldn't want the cream in me eclair curdling," Beth sniffed.
My favourite line of the week was Curse-ty saying to Fiz: "I've spent years locking the likes of you up." Just how old IS she then? You'd think she'd run Weatherfield CID single-handedly the way she talks, although I reckon the local criminals will be dancing a jig now that sneering, self-satisfied so and so's off the scene.
I just want her off my screen and hope she'll get that kitchen draw open again soon and give Tyrone (or is it Tih-rohne?) another battering.
Poor old Eileen got battered by Lesley, and fled the house with blood streaming from her nose, leaving Lesley alone to get herself a little snack: cheese on toaster.
Oh crumbs, what a way to go. She literally WAS toasted, and it's thrown everything up in the air now – with Fireman Paul driving off, having pretty-much put the blame on Eileen. "Once the funeral's over, Eileen'll have the bunting out," Norris remarked.
"I imagine there'll be a post mortem?" he asked Jason ghoulishly.
"Yeah. I'll get you a copy," he replied sarcastically, but it's water off a duck's back to Norris, isn't it?
Does this mean they might be over for good then? I think we'd all just assumed that Fireman Paul and Eileen were going to be together, but this is 'Soapland', so I wonder what's going to happen next?
Eileen was lucky just to have a nosebleed really. Tina lost a lot more blood when she hit the floor (wouldn't they have needed to shave some of her hair off after a head injury like that?), and that dastardly Terry was just going to leave her there to die. What a lowlife.
It's been a bad couple of weeks for Tommy. There he was with a twelve grand inheritance, but that's all gone and he now OWES nine grand to a loan shark. He should be scared, but not half as scared as he ought to be by the rollocking Tina'll give him when she finds out.
Oh, my. She is NOT going to be happy, and I wonder where this one's going too, as it's quite hard to shake a loan shark off, and he's not exactly flush with cash any more, is he?
I'd be scared if I was Karl too, because when Stella finds out about him and Sunita the pair of them are going to wish they'd never been born, but they're going to get caught out sooner than they think if they stand there slavering all over each other like that in the bar. Blind Freddy could see what's going on, and I'm surprised Norris's gossip antennae hasn't picked up on it yet.
"We both know where this train is going," he said to her on Monday. Yeah: into the tunnel, and pretty regularly too – now that they've got that flat to go to, but I don't blame her. Come on: would you want to be married to Dev?
I felt a bit bilious when he walked his fingers across the table and asked Sunita whether her wearing extra make-up was "Cos Papa was coming home." Yug.
We had some Bad Drinking From a Bottle from Terry (who forgot to swig OR swallow!), and a bit of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background, with someone singing the line, "Told you I want you more," at the exact moment Karl walked away from the bar with both Stella and Sunita watching him (with very different looks on their faces)!
A far more respectable selection than of late for our Grins of the Week:
Tommy: "You left Tina for dead, and you were going to leave me for dead."
Terry: "You don't half build up your part."
Fiz: "Our Kirk wanted to be a Policeman."
Beth: "Ha. They wouldn't have him, he's too quick-witted."
Terry: "Put it there."
Tyrone: "No. I'd rather not."
Norris: "You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I mean, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?"
Beth: "I don't know. What?
Curse-ty: "I don't do charm offensives."
Fiz: "Oh I don't know; you've got the offensive bit right."
Terry: "Where do you get your energy from?"
Tommy: "I'm young. Do you remember being young?"
Terry: "Not really."
Beth: "I'm here too."
Curse-ty: "Large as life."
Beth: "Are you being funny? First you snub me; now you're saying I'm fat."
Izzy: "Fiz was telling us earlier that you wanted to be a Policeman."
Kirk: "That's right, yeah. Undercover."
Izzy: "Are you undercover now?"
Kirk: "Nah. I'd tell you if it was."
PS Stella's top looked like someone had stuck their hands in a tin of black paint and grabbed her boobs!
PS2 Jason said that if he found the girl of his dreams he'd take a battering for her any day of the week. If he pops round to Tyrone's he could have a free sample.
PS3 We've had more than one close-up of Sunita's bottom this week, and have you noticed how whenever she and Karl are having a clinch, his hand's straight there. You can't blame a bloke for making the most of an opportunity I suppose, can you?
PS4 There's a brand new feature on my website this week: 'Carla Corner'. It's a new page for fans of everyone's favourite factory owner, and for all of us who are hoping that she and Michelle will 'get together'.