Welcome to a review of the most recent episodes of Coronation Street: the popular British Soap Opera.
For episodes broadcast in the UK 23rd-27th April 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
It's a competition for the 'scariest look' of the week. The candidates are Stella, Terry, Kirsty (no surprise there), and … yes, baby Jack. Who gets your vote?
I'm loving Stella more and more. She really has found her feet; she's perfected that certain 'look' all good Corrie women use to keep their men in line, and has got a tongue to go with it.
"Can I ask you to sign our petition?" Emily asked Karl.
"Sorry love. No can do," he replied.
"Get it signed," she told him (in no uncertain terms)!
She ought to go and sort Terry Duckworth out. He was giving a very plausible Jack Nicholson impression as he eyed the protesters up through the window, and finally managed to get them removed – all thanks to Curse-ty's boss coming down and 'encouraging' her to get them to see sense.
They were just trying to make a point. A lap-dancing club on Viaduct Street's hardly what anyone wants. Well, hardly anyone.
Did you notice everyone's faces when that girl started dancing in the Rovers? Total shock and horror – except for Karl and Beth. "I've got that top. Chafes something awful," she informed Sunita. Brilliant!
I felt a bit sorry for Sally this week. First, she found out that Carla didn't need (want!) her as a partner, and then she ended up getting lumbered with little Jack – who'd suddenly reappeared after having been missing for months.
She says she can't love him but (this being Soapland), I'm guessing that there'll be a lot of angst; a few rows with Pam, and then he'll get sick; be rushed to hospital, and it'll be touch and go as to whether he survives, but when he opens his little eyes she'll melt, and all her maternal feelings will kick in …
Sounds about right? I reckon so.
She needs to be careful though. 'Little ears', they say. Jack might only be a baby, but he's listening, and judging by the look on his face wasn't happy with what he was hearing.
He ought to have been Curse-ty's baby though, not Molly's, because he's definitely got that same scary expression.
Aah, only joking. It was just the way the camera caught him at that moment, bless!
Jack's only a baby (and hasn't had a proper mother figure since his mum died), so would soon learn to love Sally. Simon loving Carla's a different matter though …
I know I keep saying it, but Carla's just not the mothering sort, and it doesn't suit her character to be having to bother with children. Leanne's far better suited to be Simon's mum, and their bond looks so realistic, especially when he asked her hopefully, "Have you come to get me?"
That episode was a cracker, with some great writing, and powerful acting from Leanne and Simon.
Even Peter did better than he has of late, but Simon stole the show with his tearful, angry, "I've fallen out of love with YOU!" when Peter was trying to explain how he'd fallen out of love with Leanne.
He keeps banging on about Leanne being a bad influence on Simon, but surely him smoking around Simon is far worse for the little lad?
As for Carla: she should have packed her bags when he started blaming HER because Simon preferred Leanne. "You've never liked him, have you?" he shouted, and had a right old rant at her.
Unbelievable. Peter really is such a selfish man, and can only ever see anything from his own point of view. What on earth is Carla doing? She just seems completely like a fish out of water in this relationship.
Carla looks far more comfortable in her office than having to deal with all this kiddie stuff, and was delighted to discover that she'd got Frank's share in Underworld so wouldn't need to have Sally as a partner after all. "This is a brand new beginning Michelle … and you, and me; we're taking this place into the stratosphere," she enthused excitedly.
Now, that sounds good. Carla and Michelle running the factory together? Working together all day? Exactly what they need to get closer still, and did you notice the way Michelle was looking at Sally when she thought she was going to be Carla's partner?
Jealous? I should say so. Yep; file that one, gang. It's another bit of evidence for when the time comes!
Over at the Salon the battle continued, and Kylie was pulling David's strings again. "It's yours. You tell Maria what to do," she nagged.
"As soon as he tries that, love, I'll be out that door," Maria scoffed.
"Oh, well. Off you go then," she quipped back.
It's all great stuff to watch, but one row too many finally tipped Audrey over the edge and she had a heart attack. Luckily, she survived, and it looks as if Gail's warming to Lewis at last. Is this all part of his dastardly plan though? Ooh, I hope not.
Audrey blamed David, and so did Kylie – who felt that he'd taken his Gran's side over hers. In her own special way, Kylie has 'done right' by David, and probably did have a point, but – as usual – she handled it all wrong, and ended up storming out.
It's a nonsense to think that she'd have been allowed to behave like that in a Restaurant, but it was funny nonetheless, although I don't know how she managed to dance on that table in those heels without coming a cropper (especially as she was meant to be drunk)!
David was worried whether she'd come back. "She loves Max though," he said.
"She's left him before. She's sold him before (!)" Gail reminded him sagely.
When she did come back to collect her stuff, Gail tried to get her to talk about it.
"What is it with you lot? One minute you're blaming me for splitting up the family and trying to murder Audrey, the next you're making me tea," she asked, but at least she remembered to take Max with her when she left the second time. Oh, she'll be back. She loves the little weasel!
We got a bit of Appropriate/Innapropriate Music in the Background as Marvin Gaye's 'I Heard it Through the Grapevine' played in the background as Stella was telling Leanne to be careful Peter didn't find out she was seeing Simon behind his back, and did you see both Stella and Eva grabbing supposedly 'hot' mugs of tea? (Such a common thing on Soaps.)
Not that many Grins of the Week for you this week, unfortunately:
Karl: "I'm not one to make a fuss." (about his birthday)
Stella: "What? I'm surprised you haven't got a banner up."
Sally: "I'll always be the same old Sally."
Beth: "That's what worries us."
David: "We've brought in new clients."
Audrey: "Yes, and driven away all the old ones."
Kylie: "Old being the operative word!"
Norris: "Terry Duckworth and his errant son are opening a lap-dancing club. Yeah, a bar full of mucky women."
Rita: "How mucky?"
PS Cursety's pregnant, isn't she? She didn't look very pregnant this week. It's not another of her nasty little tricks, is it? (Does winning Best Newcomer at the British Soap Awards mean she's here to stay? Hope not. No offence; her stares just give me the creeps!)
PS David's T-shirt was enough to give anyone a heart attack, and while I'm on the subject: most Soap characters aren't meant to have a lot of money, yet many of them wear (what are clearly), designer clothes.
Karl's polo shirt had a little button at the back of the collar. I'll bet he didn't get that in Walmart.
PS Karl and Sunita want to be careful, making eyes at each other in the bar at the Rovers. Someone'll soon notice.
PS Sean was cooking hotpot in brand new, shiny pans, and also said the hotpot recipe might have been the last thing Betty ever wrote. That's not very likely, as it was old and VERY dog-eared …
PS Roy was off to the quarterly meeting of the Weatherfield Bat Fanciers. I wouldn't brag about that if I were you, Roy. He'd have been better off at the quarterly meeting of the Weatherfield Carla Connor Fanciers. I reckon they'd have to hold that in a football stadium!