Welcome to a review of the most recent episodes of Emmerdale: the popular British Soap Opera.
For episodes broadcast in the UK 23rd-27th April 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Declan's got memory loss; Amy's got sight loss, Megan's got a long-lost son and Ashley's lost everything, but will his loss be Marlon's gain? Read all about it, unless you're Ali (who can't be bovvered to learn to read).
"We live together. I share everything with Katie."
"Yeah. Except you don't," Megan reminded him (as Declan tried to justify having told Katie her little secret).
She's right. Has he forgotten how he's kept Katie in the dark about almost every single aspect of his life since they got together? I hate it when characters conveniently forget the facts in order to justify their behaviour, but I had big sigh when I saw where this one was going.
Ok; every new character has a 'back story' which has to come out once they start getting established, and some of their storylines are fine, but some are tedious beyond belief.
I love Megan. She's a breath of fresh air, but she's gone from catty, confident and happy-go-lucky to catty and troubled (all in the space of a couple of weeks), and we knew it would only be a matter of time before the skeletons started crawling out of her cupboard.
At first, I wondered if they might have been coming out of her closet (with her being single and all), but it wasn't that (unfortunately), and now it seems as if it's a son she gave away for adoption. Yawn.
"The last thing any of us need is to rake over the past," she shouted at Declan. I agree, so why don't you just stop going on about it then? You've talked about nothing else all week!
Will it be like Aaron all over again: troubled, angry yoof – resentful at his mother for having given him up, and set to bring chaos to the Macey household (and will he be old enough to go for Katie too – just to make matters worse)? It all sounds pretty tedious to me, and speaking of tedious: it's Ali.
For goodness sake woman: if Jai's kind enough to send you for lessons, the least you can do is go (although it seemed a bit strange for them to be at a school, and during the day?).
I've no experience in this (and maybe it's normal?), but I'd have thought she'd have gone to an Adult Literacy Centre somewhere, as it seems a bit insensitive and unfair to send a mother to the school her son attends; that's just asking for trouble, isn't it?
If you want to know about trouble, just call in at the Vicarage. Was Edna right to call the Police? At least they arrested the right person for once!
It's been fine acting all round from Rachel, Sandy and Ashley, but special praise must go to Laurel this week, as she's looked totally tortured by it all. The most important bit though, is what happens next?
"You could have made a porno with her and screened it in the Church, but it doesn't give Ashley the right to smack his dad about," Rachel told an anguished Marlon, and she's right.
Laurel wanted Marlon so much, but chose to stay with her husband, and he's just thrown it all back in her face by virtually blaming her for HIS abuse of Sandy. That's a coward's way out, and as it took SO much for her to have stayed with him before; to me, it just wouldn't be realistic for her to be able to forgive him for this.
We all wanted her to get with Marlon, so will she now? If she doesn't, I certainly don't want her and Ashley to get back together.
I like Ashley (and would be sorry to see him leave), but I feel that it would be better for Laurel and the children to move in with Marlon and for them to get divorced. It'd certainly make great viewing!
Less great viewing this week was the return of Pointless Priya. What is she for? She has no purpose. She's just another poor little rich girl who doesn't work and spends all day shopping and flirting with men. Such a boring character.
We've had a bit of fun with Gennie and Nikhil this week. He's very funny (on't quiet), and they bounce off each other so well. I loved his attempts to get rid of Brenda by encouraging her to go back to Eric.
"Gennie says I have to be cool and mysterious," she told him.
"What does Gennie know? She missed every signal I gave her for months," he replied.
"Did she?" Brenda exclaimed.
" … Exactly," he stuttered. (Ooh, what a fibber!) "Best put the man out of his misery … but tidy your hair up first," he added helpfully!
Brenda scurried-off to make it up with Eric, and there's been plenty of making-out going on between Cameron and Chas again this week, but she told him it was over (again!), on Friday.
I don't believe that for a moment, and I stand by what I say about these two: they're meant to be together, and I jolly-well hope that (after what'll be hell for them), they'll end up together – and married – by the end of it all, and with everyone's blessing.
Lots of serious stuff going on, so there's rather a lack of Grins of the Week:
Marlon: "How's Elliot settling in? I bet Jimmy's loving it?"
Nicola: "Hmmm. He's having a ball … rammed up his backside if this carries on much longer."
Megan: "Do they ever stop?"
Nicola: "I try and blank it out."
Cameron: "Why don't we get a babysitter?"
Debbie: "Because we're grownups."
Lizzie: "You set her back on?"
Jai: "There's no flies on you, are there?
Nikhil: "I'll take you out to a Restaurant."
Gennie: "Not the B&B, and if you think I'm watching you eat sushi again … "
Gennie: "I can remember when every bloke I dated seemed to be weird or boring … and then I met someone who combined both qualities."
(Blind) Lizzie: "I once bandaged my cat's front paw."
Lizzie: "Yeah. It was his back leg that were broken, like." (Hysterical laughter from her and Lisa!)
PS I like Dan; he's got real potential. Is he too old for Rachel? She's always seemed to quite like him …
PS2 Amy was having a go at Brenda for wearing a lot of makeup. "Wow. Pot, kettle," Vic exclaimed.
I should say! Is this the same Amy who's got panda eyes and a bright orange face (but a white neck)? I'm surprised she can even see Brenda through all that mascara.
PS3 Rioja? With beans on toast? Now that's just silly!
PS4 I love (most of) Megan's clothes. If I had money to go clothes shopping (and actually went out anywhere), I'd want her as my personal shopper!
PS5 Nicola seemed to be hinting to Megan. "I'd give anything for another night away," she sighed dreamily.
"Are you coming on to me Nicola?" The Smile asked her, then smiled.