Welcome to a review of the most recent episodes of Emmerdale: the popular British Soap Opera.
For episodes broadcast in the UK 16th-20th April 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Ashley's caught in the act; Eric's caught out; Declan's courting doesn't come cheap & it's 'Cor!' for Megan in that red dress!
Ali's finally admitted that she can't read (after dropping poor Lisa in it first: that's not on, love), and how good an employer is Jai? He's sending her to reading classes and sending Charity to Germany too. (Will she come back with a suntan?) Ok, she certainly deserves a break, but three weeks not seeing Charity's way too long for me!
It won't be long enough for Gennie – or Nikhil. "If she was married to me I'd kill myself … then I'd kill her," he admitted, as he struggled to reassure Gennie that she wasn't being completely usurped by his brother's pushy wife.
"No matter how hard I work, it's like I'm invisible," she explained miserably (I know that feeling), although she wasn't invisible as she pretended to gag behind Charity and Jai when they were snogging.
"I can actually see that, thank you," Charity pointed out as she came up for air!
I wonder if Chas wishes she was going with her, because seeing Debbie and Cameron together's not proving easy for her.
"You know what you need? You need a bit of what they've got," Charity nodded towards them at the bar, and poor Chas could only look on enviously at the 'happy' couple and try not to show her pain as Debbie told her that 'sooner or later' she'd meet the perfect man. Oh, dear.
Brenda's happiness didn't last long once she overheard Eric talking to Amy about their 'relationship'. It was funny to see her and Vic's appalled faces as they contemplated the thought of such old people 'at it'.
"Those noises coming from room five. It was them two," Amy gasped.
"As if. They're way too old for that sort of thing," Vic scoffed.
Eric's feeble attempt at an apology didn't work, and Brenda threw her drink over him in the pub before storming out, but did he mean what he said about her, or will we see a reconciliation? I reckon the latter, as we've got to have something awkward for Val to walk back into, haven't we?
It was the treatment of a 'proper' old person that had us all in tears this week, as Ashley finally snapped and hit Sandy. It was such a beautifully written episode, and the acting was so believable that the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up – even now – as I think back to it.
That's what I love about Soaps: the quality of writing and acting can make you cry tears of emotion (be they happy or sad), and I needed more than one tissue this week, watching the amazing performances by Ashley, Sandy and Laurel. This could go either way now, but the way I'd like to see it go is for Laurel to leave him and finally get together with Marlon (sorry Ashley).
The odds have definitely shortened in the 'Emmerdale Pregnancy Stakes' too, as now she's found out what Ashley's been up to, Laurel's bound to decide that their relationship's over, so what better time to suddenly discover you're pregnant (!), but I still think that Chas finding out that she is would be an equally safe bet (storyline-wise).
They're definitely joint favourites this week, although with Megan's cryptic baby comment on Friday, might Katie suddenly finding herself 'with child' be worth a punt, as it would certainly wipe the smile off The Smile's face, and is Nicola still in the running too?
That's the LAST thing Nicola would want right now. She thinks she's 'cut off' her chance of an unwanted pregnancy (now that Jimmy's had the snip), so finding herself up the duff would be a great twist, especially on top of Kelly suddenly dumping little Elliott on them while she swans off to America. What mother could just go off and leave their child, aye – especially one as cute as him?
Jimmy's not complaining though, and is bursting with pride at his little lad. Didn't they look sweet: all sat together in the cafe; a proper little family, and we saw Nicola's soft side as she tried to reassure him with, "Sometimes: when Angel's sad, she bites the head off a soldier. Makes her feel much better. I taught her that." Bless!
Carl gets a Bad Holding of a 'Supposedly' Hot Mug Award, and I couldn't swear to it (as I couldn't hear it properly), but was that Schubert's Trout Quintet playing in the background as Eric was talking to Amy about Brenda?(If it wasn't, it should have been (as there were a lot of mentions of fish – including 'old trout' – this week!), and in-amongst all the trauma were lots of lovely Grins of the Week too:
Nicola: "Kelly's actually found someone who likes orange-skinned witches with boobs like basketballs?"
Brenda: "Everyone says I'm glowing."
Gennie: "Well, open a window then."
Nik (meekly): "I think it's best if you leave … before there's any trouble."
David: "Are you seriously trying to get him to threaten my dad?"
Gennie (to Katie, enviously): "You're buying concealer. What have you got to conceal? Have you seen your face?"
Brenda: "I'm a hopeless romantic."
Andy: "You're not much of a waitress either."
Amy: "The springs on that bed; they squeak like anything. They were at it non-stop this morning. We could hear everything."
Brenda (nervously): "Not everything, surely?"
Nicola: "You'll come to the opening of an envelope if there's free booze involved."
Charity: "Damn right I will, yeah."
Katie: "Missing me, are you?"
Megan: "I wouldn't miss you if you were six feet under," and, "As vapid blonds go, she is definitely back in the building."
Eric: "I see Kelly's kid's back."
Nicola: "Oh, cancel the eye test."
Laurel (about Eric and Brenda): "I think they're flirting."
Nicola: "Oh please. I feel sick enough already."
PS Ali's using an unusual method to learn to read: her clothes. Will she be wearing a 'B' next week, or can she afford personalised hoodies?!
PS2 Doesn't Gennie look like Brenda? It's even more remarkable when you remember that she was adopted!
PS3 Loved how little Arthur wiped his mouth on his arm after he'd kissed Laurel!
PS4 Declan's meant to be on his uppers, yet he goes out and buys Katie an armful of flowers … and a car! Wish somebody would buy me a car, or a gallon of petrol would do: I'm not fussy.
PS5 I wrote last week that I reckoned it wouldn't be long before some guy showed up to bring trouble to Megan's door, and on her 'Soap Gossip' spot on ITV1's This Morning show on Thursday 19th, the brilliant Sharon Marshall said that's exactly what's going to happen!