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article imageReview: UK Soap Coronation Street: It's 'scisssor wars' at Audrey's

By Jane Reynolds     Apr 16, 2012 in Entertainment
Welcome to a review of the most recent episodes of Coronation Street; the popular British Soap Opera.
For eps broadcast in the UK 9th-13th April 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Karl's playing musical chairs (well, settees, actually); Simon's playing Peter and Carla; David and Kylie are playing silly beggars and Tommy's van's playing-up. A wonderfully funny week in Corrie.
Ok. I'm still laughing from Friday's episodes, but let's do the serious stuff first.
One of the most attractive things about Carla's character is her aloofness and detachment. She's different to every other person in the Street. Her boyfriends have always been rich; businessmen (usually both), and now that living with Peter is becoming a reality, you sense that the shine's definitely beginning to wear off. As the weeks go on, I'm increasingly struggling to work out what she sees in him.
Did you see her face when he told her that she was Simon's mother now, and not Leanne? That's not a happy woman, and she must surely now be wondering what the hell she's got herself into (and why does she have to live in his grotty flat anyway)?
Carla doesn't know which end is up with children (and doesn't want to).
"How come Hayley knows what to do with him and I don't?" she asked Michelle despondently.
Leanne's broken-hearted at being separated from the little lad (I know exactly how that feels, and it's not nice), and Simon's missing his 'mum' desperately too, yet all Peter can do is blame Leanne. "She's the one that dragged him into this – not me," he complained to Carla.
No, Peter, you're wrong again. YOU did, but you can't see it from anyone else's point of view except your own, can you? Even Simon's more mature than you are, mate.
Poor Carla. Talk about 'Out of the frying pan into the fire'. She escapes from her two children: Simon and Peter, then crosses the road – only to walk straight into someone else behaving like a little girl: Sally.
"In a lot of ways, I've been the answer to Carla's prayers," she told the Factory girls with a beatific smile.
She's already irritating the hell out of Carla (and they haven't even signed the contract yet), so if it carries on like this there might-well be another Underworld murder on the cards – only this time Carla would be guilty!
"At least you won't fall in love with this one," Michelle pointed out. No, but there's a lot of us out here watching and waiting for her to fall in love with you Mich …
Talking of love, "Blimey, it's John and Yoko," Owen quipped as he saw Kylie and David sat up in bed in the salon.
He'd come to change the locks (again), in the continuing feud over Audrey's involvement with Lewis ("He'd be through that money like a dose of salts," Gail pronounced!), and it gave us some of the most hilarious and brilliantly-acted scenes we've had since Kylie faked her collapse in the Health Centre so that Becky could get Tracy's medical records.
"Owen. Did you not think of consulting me before you did this?" Audrey asked him in exasperation.
"Why? Are you a locksmith?" he shot back with a twinkle in his eye!
Friday's episodes (by Chris Fewtrell), were so funny I'm going to download them onto DVD to keep. The one-liners came thick and fast, and I can't even begin to imagine how much fun it must have been to have acted them. We've been a bit light on the humour lately, but this was Classic Corrie, and beat any comedy shows I've seen lately, hands-down!
Audrey hit on the idea of using Mary's mobile home as a makeshift salon. "Has it got running water?" she asked her.
"Of course it has. How do you think I perform my ablutions?" Mary gasped.
"I can't say I've ever thought about that, actually," Audrey winced, but Kylie had.
"Like people are really going to want their hair washing where Mary has a stand-up wash," she pointed-out 'tactfully'!
The fight over Emily was glorious, and I had tears streaming down my face when that Policeman just lifted Lewis out of the way as he tried to calm Audrey down.
Kylie's in her element, but David realised it was all getting out of hand when he saw his Gran being taken away in a Police car. Lucky that Copper that wasn't trying to take her away in Tommy's camper van as they wouldn't have got to the end of the street!
Audrey's been exceptional this week. She really talks to David as if she IS his Gran, and not only did we have the Salon stuff, we also had a barrage of old banger jokes, which were – again – acted so well that you couldn't help but laugh out loud.
Tyrone had a beautiful throw-away line: "I'm here all week," (something you could just have heard Frank Carson saying), and although that whole storyline could have been really tedious, great writing – and comic timing by the actors – made it hilariously funny.
After several lean weeks, I could simply write down the whole of both of Friday's episodes today, as there was hardly a line that wasn't worthy of its place in my Grins of the Week!
Tommy: "Hear that? She's purring."
Tyrone: "Purring? If I had a cat that sounded like that I'd have it put down."
David: "Gran?"
Audrey: "As was."
Audrey: "Do you really think my customers will come over to you just like that?"
Kylie: "I hope not. Give it five years and the only cut that lot will need is from a lawnmower."
Kevin: "You've got it made, working here."
Sophie: "Oh yeah. I'd do it for free if Dev'd let me."
Kylie: "I'll do you an Indian head massage."
Emily: "There is nothing wrong with my head."
Kylie: "Well, I'll massage whatever you like; just come with me."
Karl: "I know I've messed up, but I'll sort it."
Stella: "What are you going to do; call the 'Secret Millionaire'?"
Karl: "I know it was out of order pulling that stunt with the cab."
Steve: "Karl. I would need a calculator to work out how many ways you were out of order."
Nick: "So you're locked out?"
Audrey: "Unless I can steal a set of keys, yes."
Gail: "Sounds like a job for you Lewis."
Kylie (when the Police turned up): "Oh, finally. Next time I have an emergency, remind me to ring the day before."
Simon (to Peter): "What's a black widow?"
Audrey: "I always do Emily's hair."
Kylie: "I wouldn't brag about it."
PS Tyrone wore his checked shirt, then the guy in the pub, then Tracy, and now Simon's got it on. What happened: did it shrink in the wash?
PS2 Carla asked Simon if he wanted a go on the Wii. Think about Carla's life; can you imagine that she'd have had the time (or inclination) to ever have played 'computer games'?
PS3 Simon's playing a brilliant part. He's a cracking little actor, but I sometimes feel that he just looks a little bit too smug sometimes when he gets to the end of one of his scenes: as if to say, "HOW good was I there?"
PS4 That Karl's a smooth one, isn't he? Stella chucks him out; he goes off and sleeps with Sunita then goes straight back home/home again!
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