It's there. Living inside you. Feasting on your internal organs.
It's known in medical circles as Ronaldus Maximus. In lay terms -- Reaganitis.
No, I am not kidding. It's right there, inside you. Like a parasite. It's probably in your liver, like a liver fluke. Maybe in your lower intestines, like a tapeworm. But not like, evil or anything. It's a good liver fluke. A helpful tapeworm. A useful amoeba that you can call on to help you remember the good days when Reagan was president, when those haughty welfare queens were forced to stop having little black babies and get jobs, and when rich people never complained because they knew ol' Dutch Reagan was watching out for them.
Never mind the fact that the deficit grew to theretofore unknown levels while Reagan built up a military establishment that caused the Soviet Union to crumble and blew up our national debt. Never mind all those times he raised taxes.
In fact, if you have one of those Reagan paramecia in your brain, you'll forget he did any of those things and you will remember him as the neo-Christlike figure who belongs up there on Mt. Rushmore and the $50 bill.
Michael Reagan said it best.
And he has Reagan's DNA coursing through his veins, so you just know he's more parasite than man.
"If you wake up in the morning, and you yearn to be free…and you want that shining city on a hill back where it belongs. Then you found Ronald Reagan, he’s living in each and every one of you.”
No, you don't need a doctor to examine your stool to see if you have the infection. You just know it! You can tell. When you see the sunny smile of Newt Gingrich and you feel the urge to vote for him... If you're a man and you look at your wife and you just know you could do better than you settled for if you really love America... If you say one thing today and say something completely opposite tomorrow because you forgot that they recorded what you said yesterday...
You got da Reaganitis, my brother.
It's just like herpes. It's not always there. But in times of stress, it can flare up and cause the nation great, great discomfort.