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article imageIs Vermin Supreme the next President of the United States?

By Andrew Moran     Jan 13, 2012 in Politics
Washington - Who is Vermin Supreme? He is running for the United States presidency under a rubber boot, literally. Supreme wants to fund a time machine to kill Adolf Hitler, he supports mandatory toothbrushing and promises a pony for every American.
“America, my name is Vermin Supreme, I am a friendly fascist," he told an audience. "I am a tyrant that you should trust, and you should let me run your life because I do know what is best for you."
There have always been satirical candidates running for higher office over the world in order to make a point, generate laughs or to actually be elected. In Vermin Supreme’s case, he wants to raise zombie apocalypse awareness.
According to a profile of Supreme, in 1988, he ran for mayor three times in three different cities; once as an Independent in Baltimore, Maryland, the other time as an Independent in Detroit, Michigan and then finally in Mercury, Nevada. He was unsuccessful in all three bids.
When the world entered the new millennium in the year 2000, Supreme declared himself the “Emperor of the New Millennium.” This became his primary campaign slogan for his presidential campaigns for the next 12 years.
In 2004, Supreme ran for president as a Democrat. He campaigned in the Democratic Party primary and actually received 149 votes in the Washington, D.C. presidential primary.
Four years later, he campaigned as a Republican in the New Hampshire GOP primary in which he received 41 votes in the state and 43 votes nationally in the general election.
In one of his most successful bids for the White House thus far, Supreme garnered 831 votes in the 2012 Democratic Party primary in New Hampshire. Incumbent President Barack Obama received fewer than 49,000 votes.
2012 Campaign
“In an election climate where candidates succeed by discouraging citizens from engaging in independent cognitive activity, repeat Candidate Vermin Love Supreme, (the only bona-fide American Presidential Candidate to actually donate a living organ,) has broken away from the rat pack,” writes his campaign website, which is accompanied by a purple background, random images and videos.
“Whatever public office he's seeking, Vermin's participation in electoral forums raises the critical questions that your run-of-the-mill apparatchicks will necessarily ignore. But once raised, these issues have refused to die.”
This year, Supreme has gained publicity in the media. Last month, Supreme participated in the New Hampshire Institute of Politics “Lesser-Known” Candidates Forum. In the debate, he reiterated his campaign promises:
- An entitlement program that includes free ponies for every American because, according to Supreme, the U.S. will become a pony-based economy and the methane gas will shift the country’s dependence on foreign oil.
- Research funding for time travel so he can go back in time to murder Adolf Hitler as a baby.
- Mandatory toothbrushing law because “gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation long
enough and must be stopped.”
- Flying monkey public safety assurance program.
- Compulsory kidney transplantation for everyone – he gave his mother his kidney in 2006.
- Public awareness of the zombie apocalypse.
During his closing statement, he sang his final remarks to the Chicken Dance tune. After his speech, Supreme glitter bombed homophobic Democratic candidate Randall Terry because “Jesus told me to make Randall Terry gay.”
Supreme made headlines last week during a Texas Republican Congressman Ron Paul media event. He told the large crowd that he was a “friendly tyrant” and announced that he is President Obama’s “primary, primary challenger.”
“I am challenging him and Ron Paul to a debate and an arm-wrestling match, leg-wrestling match and a panty-wrestling match to decide it all, the presidency of the United States,” shouted Supreme.
He also mocked former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum at the parking lot of Belmont Hall and Restaurant. Carrying a bullhorn, Supreme sang “Will You Marry Me Rick” to the tune of “Happy Birthday.”
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