This wasn’t the sort of life he wanted for them. Strangely, the president said this wasn’t the America he wanted for them.
“Our kids are going to be fine,” Obama reassured the concerned crowd
. “I always tell Malia and Sasha, look, you guys, I don't worry about you -- I mean, I worry the way parents worry -- but they’re on a path that is going to be successful, even if the country as a whole is not successful. But that’s not our vision of America. I don't want an America where my kids are living behind walls and gates, and can’t feel a part of a country that is giving everybody a shot.”
While Mr. Obama was unclear where the young children would now live, perhaps with their newly-pseudo-legal uncle in Massachusetts, what remains clear, home and family security is no longer on the priority list for the president. In fact, so much so, he’s making it a campaign issue to big private donors in the critical Northeast where much of his funding will come from.
“This is no way to court the Jewish vote,” said one pro-Israel campaign insider who asked to remain anonymous. “We take family security and homeland security very seriously, and neither condone the president’s support for Hamas nor his decision to move his children out of the safety of the White House.”
However, reactions were mixed and some gave the president a strong thumbs-up for his daring Election Year move.
“In DC, there are a lot of places for kids to live besides the White House,” said a man who called himself Captain America. “I, for one, have been living in the park across the street from the White House for almost a year now and you can’t get a better view in this city than from my grate. I wouldn’t normally offer to share it, but for the president’s kids, well, if no one else takes them in, I guess they could stay for a couple nights.”
But from my perspective, the holidays are simply the wrong time to move young children out of the home. It’s too Dickensian, and more Oliver Twist
than A Christmas Carol
. It doesn’t set a good example, not at a time when we should cherish one another, celebrate the bonds we share, and take time to renew the spirit that makes us stronger as families and as a nation.
To Sasha and Malia, and to teenagers with insane parents everywhere, a very merry Christmas to you all.
NOTE TO READERS: This entire column was pure satire. Despite the (accurate) quotation from President Obama, who indeed intentionally ran for office and thereby condemned his children to four years of life behind walls and gates, I don’t actually believe he is kicking them out. His speech was so silly, however, that I just had to respond in kind. God bless us, everyone.