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article imageOp-Ed: Al Qaeda bomb formula replaced with cupcakes by MI6

By Paul Wallis     Jun 3, 2011 in World
In a worthy example of spirit, MI6 hackers have improved the quality of life for Al Qaeda members by replacing their bomb-making formula with a useful recipe for rum cupcakes. Cupcakes are believed to be healthier, and do less collateral damage.
This new mode of anti-terrorism , involving a British hack of an Al Qaeda website, is a definite improvement on the general class of anti-terrorist operations, believed by some to be lacking in social tact. It’s also cheaper than drone attacks, and considerably more likely to assist in improve international relations generally.
The fact is that many people are for some reason inclined to take Hellfire missile attacks personally, while a cupcake is not only less threatening but more pleasant with a cup of coffee. (We assume the makers of Hellfire missiles will address this obvious deficiency in their services at some point. Perhaps a high yield Hundreds and Thousands warhead, for example…)
It must be stated that the risk of retaliation, perhaps with guided tabouli or improvised explosive pitted dates has risen as a result of this attack, but on the positive side falafel and hummus may be used as passive-aggressive options.
On the strategic level, further effective action may also be possible, using Jamie Oliver and Nigella, or even the Iron Chef, as broad-spectrum security measures. Overt acts of war by gourmet websites are not anticipated by analysts, who state that most chefs respect international law, even if their publishers don’t.
UK officials have said nothing about any possible use of scone mixes in anti-terrorism operations, although rumours persist of anti-personnel pancakes as a tactical measure for ground operations.
Interestingly, the Pentagon blocked similar measures by US agencies, believing that it would interfere with intelligence operations. It’s more likely that the high cholesterol US diet is in breach of some international weapons laws, and they’re checking calorie counting guides before deploying any new options in the field.
Will the skies over the Middle East be filled with culinary deterrents, or will Libya suddenly be overrun with celebrity chefs? Will dieticians be forced to make house calls on terrorist bases, desperately trying to preserve the peace? Could World War 3 be started by a rogue state attacking with banned salad dressings?
Citizens are advised to ensure that the safety catches are on their food at all times.
This opinion article was written by an independent writer. The opinions and views expressed herein are those of the author and are not necessarily intended to reflect those of DigitalJournal.com
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