Report: Taliban training monkeys to fight against U.S. soldiers

Kabul - A Chinese news publication has reported that the Taliban are training monkeys to shoot and kill American soldiers. As one publication stated, either the news outlet was pranked or has nabbed an outrageous scoop.

The coalition forces in Afghanistan have some of the most sophisticated weaponry in the world. NATO powers in the region have everything from fighter jets to dangerous weapons to highly trained combat soldiers. But the Taliban is supposedly investing in monkeys. That is what the the People’s Daily, a newspaper owned by the Chinese government, is reporting. According to Friday’s report, based on British intelligence, the Taliban is recruiting monkeys, and training them to use weapons and fight against American troops. American military intelligence experts are calling them “monkey terrorists.” Reporters in the Waziristan tribal area, the Afghanistan-Pakistan border region, have allegedly taken photos of “monkey soldiers” holding AK-47 rifles and Bren light machine guns. The New York Magazine has reported about this in jest and stated on Friday, “No invader has ever conquered Afghanistan, and now we know why. The monkeys will not allow it. It was a good effort, but it's time to pack it in. This is no longer a fight we can win.” The Dallas Blog notes that if a “monkey terrorist” actually shoots and kills an American soldier, it would be an embarrassment to one of the most powerful armies in the world.